*g.3ne - living in reality's cold harsh embrace.

2007-12-12T07:42:00.000+08:00

A rock seems to have been lifted over my shoulders and I feel pretty light and happier now. ORD's coming in one month and two and a half weeks' time. I got to buck up and start thinking what to do about this life which has stagnated and has kind of rot for the past one odd years.

First off, of course, is to get a job after my service ends. Anyone has good job offers? Please do let me know and yes this is an outright advertisement myself. hehehe. Money ain't the most important thing in the world but it sure ranks up there as one of the most important and useful tools to keep handy. It makes the world go round, square, whatever shape you want it to be and whatever way you want it to spin.

Second is to live happier when my life's rusty gears kickstart soon. New goals, new resolutions will be thought up as I move along. There are many more new people out there waiting to befriend, new things to try, new things to learn.

That said, I definitely still want to hang out with all my close buddies and friends and we will still have more fun together. Please don't forget me when you guys get your girlfriends and boyfriends alright! Don't make me sad! Call me out to chillax, to have fun and anything.

Looking at the way things are now, I mean life can only get better and happier...right?

*fingers crossed.

2007-12-10T06:49:00.000+08:00

I woke up one morning, expecting life to be the way it was as it usually was. I was wrong. What I was familiar with and what I am seeing contrasts so much I wonder if I was living the correct life at all. It was like a gust of cold wind in the December morning that wakes you up to reality's cold, harsh embrace.

I feel unnatural these days, like something somewhere in my life has gone out of sync with the rest. Such a feeling is uncomfortable and not the least welcomed at all. It feels like a hammering sensation; someone pounding my chest with hard and dull strikes.

It aches really. Everywhere I go and everything I do, the feeling is there; persistent and insistent that I give it some attention. I try hard to resist it and not think about it, but honestly who am I kidding? I know what's the underlying cause of it although my mind tries not to believe so. It's a case of heart versus mind. Such an amazing organ the heart is, whose primary function is only to beat yet feel the ache, as if it was hurting itself with every beat it makes.

Give me my life back.

Mandy, I'm extremely sorry that I made you worry and feel stressed about me, although I'm supposed to be the one whom this should least happen to. I really am sorry and feel bad about it. I can't stop feeling helpless and weak. Sorry.

2007-12-09T14:15:00.000+08:00

I am chatting with Clare, and I really was made to realise that..I post really stupid stuff. gosh. I feel that while other people blog about the activities they do or about what the different happening things that come across them, I don't.

I don't find the joy in doing that, it is so...mundane. If people who read my stuff carefully, you realise that many are random musings, thoughts and whatever my mind conceives at the point of typing. Like right now.

It is, I must say, not the most well articulated posts and neither are they really interesting. But at the very least, they are genuine and closest to what are my most raw thoughts.

To put it positively, this is my individuality.

On the other hand, to put it negatively, it might mean I'm pretty schizophrenic.

damn.

2007-09-18T21:49:00.000+08:00

prata - $2
cab home - $25
for everything else, there's mastercard.

damn it.

2007-09-02T23:07:00.000+08:00

i just went out to play C&C 3 with a good friend of mine. it's a totally wicked game, i will want to play it more next time. anyone interested? let's organise some kind of dota-C&C3-CounterStrike-whatever goes lan session.

after that, the girlfriend of said friend came over to meet us for dinner and we walked around a little.

i was feeling like an extra character around.

damn, a little emo now.

2007-08-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

why does everyone seem so busy nowadays?

or is it me who seem to be so free.

and also everyone, or most of my good friends are attached. how the fuck do i ask people out this way?

singlehood is good, but there's the envy at times.

i need to ORD..5 more months to go! ugh.

this is booshit.

2007-08-15T21:31:00.000+08:00

It seems that after returning to brogging for a while, I'm returned to being utterly bored with a total lack of content to discuss, share or even contend. Call me himbotic, but I do not desire do discuss any issues political or economical in essence unlike the multitudes. Then again, this is simply due to the reason that I'm a ignorant twenty year old who lacks the depth of understanding for anything political or economical in nature.

Neither do I want to share much about my life. It's boring enough, no need to bore you guys too right? (Actually what I am typing now has already done that to some effect) Somehow or rather along this path of life, it appears God has planned it to be a relatively quiet one, with only probably the occasional tribulation that marks the different milestones in life that I'm allowed the privilege of calling them achievements.

Believe me, when I say there can't be anybody's life who is more boring, or as boring, as mine. It appears to be the apex of boredom, not something that I should be particularly proud of. I, for one, honestly prefer an exciting, even if shorter, life that sees me making much accomplishments. An adventurous, fast paced, ever-changing lifestyle is what gets the blood flowing in my veins. Not some office job spent sitting in front of the computer (as I'm demonstrating now), growing fat and typing on keyboards.

Ah well, what the fuck.

Random random-ness

2007-08-06T21:14:00.000+08:00

I had an experience today walking barefooted, like Jesus. It was, to say the least, not the most desirable feeling.

A thought occured to me; a particularly rare act made by one may be perceived as weird and alien. However, if this act is made by everyone, it becomes socially accepted.

If the heroes in chinese wuxia shows can fly around, why do they still need horses?

Maybe everyone should be like the Saiyan race in Dragonball so that we can get free hair colour change. Just power up and our hair turns yellow.

Does eating chicken, when having a sore throat, makes your sore throat worse?

I love drinking Ribena.

2007-07-30T14:11:00.000+08:00

I found this quote in the office:

A chicken and a pig were having a discussion.

The chicken said,

"I am committed to giving one egg every day."

"That's not commitment," the pig said.

"That's just participation. Giving bacon, now THAT's commitment!"

Nothing happens without commitment.

Commitment is as simple as giving and keeping your word. Doing your best.

Commitment is doing what you say you would do -

whether or not you feel like it today.

If you fail in a commitment, take another look at it and ask yourself,

"Did I quit too soon?"

2007-07-30T08:40:00.000+08:00

Seeing how none of my links have yet to blog about the gathering on saturday, I shall do them a service and start the ball rolling.

Sat's gathering was pretty cool, meeting everyone again after so long (for me, that is). So when I reached there at 6.30pm, amanda, dawn, filonia, siying, apply and of course gcx was there. I had planned to reach at 6 but I fell overslept again on the bus. The scenario when I reached (as was the case for everyone else who came after me):

Dawn, Amanda, Filonia: Yeeeeewwwww-gene!!!!!!!!1111!!one11
Me: Uh yeah, hi guys. (proceeds to sit down)
Dawn, Amanda, Filonia: Yeeeeewwwww-gene you look so big now!!!!!111!!1 heheheheheheh!!!
Me: Uh no lah..fat lah.
Dawn, Amanda, Filonia: No lah, very big!!!!!111!!!1oneoneeleven

Something like that. I suppose it's a girls thing. Or maybe it's a Dawn + Amanda + Filonia thing.

In all honesty, at first I found it boring, because it was rather..predictable. After many gatherings, it seems that this gathering won't be an exception as well. The lazy me simply sat there and observed the minutiae of my friends; siying with her long-ish hair, apple who still looks apple-ish, filonia with some highlights in her hair, dawn who looked small now, gcx who's still the same with thick lips and amanda, who..well looks the same.

And later on, gaby, yihao, weijie, wende, naz and huitze (fish/cow), ade, tk subsequently joined us and the gathering got warmer. I meant literally warmer.

In spite of it all, the whole event was great and it allowed me to catch up with all of them, something that was long due for me. Somehow, though we've all grown up and lead pretty individual lifes, the feelings and friendship we have seemed to have been stuck in time, unchanged all these while.

Guys (and girls, lest I be labelled sexist), thanks for the dinner and the wonderful memories, not only on saturday but also the times in school. Do organise another outing or gathering and you can be sure I'll turn up.

PS: any of the guys, if you're going to dota, call me!!!

2007-07-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

It is easy to find the man on the street who does not think much of doing National Service. Many guys are opinionated about the fact that National Service is a waste of two years of their life. I am ~~like~~ not like one of these people though.

Army is in fact a ~~boring~~ fun place to be in! You will not only get to learn new ~~shit~~ skills but also martial arts to boot! In the course of my one year and soon-to-be four months in the Army, I've learnt how to tai-chi. Tai-chi is an unbelieveably useful and healthy martial art that I strongly recommend everyone to pick up. After learning tai-chi, you will know how to tai-chi ~~work~~ unhealthy stuff away from yourself and also tai-chi the ~~off days~~ good things to you.
Learn tai-chi. It is the way of life, in and out of the Army.

Army also will aid in boosting your observation skills to a whole new level, especially if you are working in the ministry like me. Why I say so is because during the course of your national service, you will learn observe the different habits of the different people and officers that you work with so that they will ~~not bitch about you~~ get along well with you. Of course, the main perk of improved observational skills shows when you compare opinions with your fellow male colleagues about the new hot office lady that was posted in recently.

Lastly, in the Army, you also will widen up your social circle as you meet people ~~and hot office ladies~~ from all walks of life. Some will have an impact in the way you view and live your life. Some will turn out to be your lifelong buddies. Some will end up as one of the numerous dates you have while serving in the Army. And some will simply do nothing significant but just eyecandy that simply makes your day ~~easier to pass~~ brighter.

So you see? Army isn't that bad at all. =)

2007-07-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

Alright so it isn't really a 6 month hiatus as I had make it out to be. I actually had the time to blog but you know, when the procrastination bug bites, it sure leaves a big ass wound that leaves you reeling for quite a while.

The past few weeks have been pretty uneventful, training, training and training. Oh, did I mention training? Yeah, more training. Simply put, it's boring and an extreme routine which I have surprisingly been able to maintain for the past half year. I guess it can be accounted to the fact that when you actually see your body getting more muscular, you have the motivation to push on more and more.

So, it's been what, 5 or 6 weeks post break up. I think my life now is pretty good. Oh did I say it's pretty good? Scratch that, I think my life now is awesome. New things to try, new places to go, new experiences to have, new girls to meet...simply fantastic.

Like, I went to Ministry of Sound a couple of times the past 5 weeks and I think it's really fun. As my friend Weijie puts it, R&B music in the club stands for Rub & Bua (Rub and Brush against girls for the dialect idiots). Surprisingly fun, and it's a waste I haven't been able to try it earlier, but better to be late than never. But before you bloody anti-clubbing critics pick up your anti-clubbing signs, I'm not advocating that everyone should club as often as they can and R&B as much as you can. Like they always say, take everything sparingly. Too much ain't good for you. (Don't I just sound like an old geezer? Neat)

I can't remember what else I did (not only was I bitten by procrastination, but also by forgetfulness, dammit). But on a last note, I'll be trying to apply for the SMU law course next year and hopefully, just hopefully I can make it in!

New direction, new start, new me. Awesome, no shit.

2007-06-20T21:35:00.000+08:00

i think i'm going to take a 6 month hiatus to conduct some secret training. Sorry to all!

6 months later, I'll post the results of my secret training.

Rawr!

The Break up

2007-06-13T15:06:00.000+08:00

I FINALLY ended my relationship with Pei Wen. (Ok so maybe she said she wanted a break up).

I'm single again!

Should I feel sad, angry, hurt, devastated, pissed off, upset, glad, happy, down or what?

F**K LAH I DON'T KNOW.

In Pieces

2007-06-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

Telling me to go,
But hands beg me to stay.
Your lips say that you love,
Your eyes say that you hate.

There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
What you build you lay to waste.

There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
All I've got's what you didn't take.

So I, I won't be the one,
Be the one to leave this,
In pieces.
And you, you will be alone,
Alone with all your secrets,
And regrets.
Don't lie.

You promise me the sky,
Then toss me like a stone.
You wrap me in your arms,
And chill me to the bone.

There's truth in your lies,
Doubt in your faith.
All I've got's what you didn't take.

So I, I won't be the one,
Be the one to leave this,
In pieces.
And you, you will be alone,
Alone with all your secrets,
And regrets.
Don't lie.

[Guitar solo]

So I, I won't be the one,
Be the one to leave this,
In pieces.
And you, you will be alone,
Alone with all your secrets,
And regrets.
Don't lie.

2007-06-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

I had a lovely dinner with Pei Wen at Jack's Place today; her treat for my birthday yesterday. Thank you very much sweetie! It was great.

Also thanks to everyone who did (and did not) wish me well.

2007-06-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

This is it. Happy 20th birthday to myself.

How unmemorable.

2007-06-03T14:45:00.000+08:00

Today, the pastor talked about death, dying and the eternity. He mentioned that many people have never thought about this question, which is the most important question: where do you go after you die?

I, for one, do truly believe and pray that my path will be upwards after i cease my dealings in life.

Just before I go, when my time is up, I pray that I can do the best that I can and say that I've done all that I could ever do with this life.

I hope that I will be holding on to my bible as I lay dying and the people around me (if there are any) will cry only tears of joy at the fact that I'm heading towards a better place.

2007-05-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

My birthday is coming soon! This is a super big hint to all my friends: I WANT PRESENTS!

hehehehehehehehe.

This is probably the event of the year 2007.

happy soon-to-be birthday to myself.

2007-05-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

I was rather pissed waiting for the bus today on my way home. I mean, waiting 25 minutes for the bus is somewhat overboard. Mind you, it's 25 minutes, not 2 point 5 minutes. That's 1500 seconds of my life that trickled away at the bus stop. Of course, I could have just been a garang soldier and run all the way home but I'm too cool for that. Actually I just didn't want to perspired and I'm too lazy to do so anyway.

I guess this is the kind of standard that we get for price hikes in bus fares. Wait a minute, who am I shitting? What standard is there? As far as I'm concerned, and every other self-thinking individual of the public, the bus standard is sorely lacking. This is not the first time that buses are late or you find many of the same bus number stopping at the same bus stop as if it was some "Same Bus Number Party" (oh whee! a party!). Buses are "supposed" to reach each bus stop within 15 minutes of travel. I think there's too much supposing on both parties' side, in that, we the members of the public will think that buses are "supposed" to reach the bus stop within 15 minutes of travel while the bus drivers think they are "supposed" to take their own time.

I'm not discounting the fact that traffic jams or slow traffic will affect the time at which buses reach the bus stop. But surely, it doesn't have to take 25 minutes for the bus to reach the bus stop if some form of effort (clearly not there) was made to do so.

Anyway, on the bus there was a guy talking to his friend on the phone. Apparently he was unhappy at the bus service and was complaining about it to his friend. I wanted to tell him that I agreed with him but I was afraid he would beat me up for being nosy and eavesdropping on his conversation. I vErY tHe sCArEd dE wOrXxX hIak HiAk.

Come on, I must be shitting myself. I'll probably pound that guy into dust instead.

Also, there was this guy who I really think have shit for brains. He was standing on the aisle of the bus, with his bag and 2 big plastic bags lined in a row in front of him. To make things worse, he was gripping the overhead metal bars on both sides of the bus, ensuring that everyone around him was treated to a delightful sensation of his pungent odour. He was blocking almost everyone in front and behind him but apparently the other passengers were tolerant enough of him. I couldn't give a shit since I was sitting on the seat beside where he stood and wasn't affected.

Honestly, he could have grown some brains at the point when the bus started to clear and there were less passengers around. So now, we have not only poor bus standards but also idiot passengers. What a great combination.

Price hikes due to rising petrol costs - 3 cents
Block bus aisle with bags laid on the floor - 3 standing spaces gone
Growing a brain and develop some common sense - priceless

For everything else, there's always Mastercard.

2007-05-13T19:26:00.000+08:00

Call me ignorant or whatever, today was the first time I went to Vivocity. I think the only word that can describe that place aptly is - alot. There were alot of people, alot of products, alot of...space. I feel that the shops there are too big, probably more shops can fit into the mall to lower rent and make the place more interesting. Anyway it's not too shabby but it somewhat resembles Marina Square Shopping Mall in many ways - boring place to shop but plenty of food to choose from.

Oh yeah, today's Mother's Day too. Happy Mother's Day to you and I love you. My mum refused to eat out today claiming that she bought fish and wanted to eat it fresh and stuff. I think i'll get her out to eat the next time then.

To end off, here's a link to the funniest gadget of the day:

http://www.gizmodo.com//gadgets/foot-operated-can-crusher/

2007-05-09T21:30:00.000+08:00

I wanted to post about yesterday's event but i was ~~sleeping~~ deep in thought about how I am going to complete the unified theory and end all theories.

Yesterday was my department's 7th anniversary and we celebrated it at Blooie's Roadhouse which was located at The Aquarius near the Science Park II. I must say that the food was on the overall, decent; not too good but not too bad either. I should give some credit to the pumpkin soup which I found tasted better than the main dish I had, pan fried spicy dory fillet.

After that there were the traditional games (some quite silly) to play. There was some guessing game, a really lame but certainly funny show and tell. The theme of the show and tell was "Cinderella" which was really like what the fuck? to me.

But ok lah, I still did enjoy myself somewhat, laughing at the rest who played their version of Cinderella. My branch played a twisted tale of Cinderella, where Cinderella is a guy named Cinderman (ok corny name, but how can you name a guy Cinderella) . Suggestions given were Similala, Cinderpunani but we chose Cinderman in the end (limited imagination please forgive us).

So this Cinderman has a stepfather and stepbrother. We changed the story so that they main characters were mostly guys. And the stereotypical Prince of the story became the Princess instead. Not to disappoint anyone, but we did not do gay marriages. To cut the story short, it was the stepbrother who ended up marrying the Princess with some help from an evil godmother and Cinderman lived unhappily ever after doing housework.

Not the best story I can come up with but certainly it doesn't lack imagination (other than the name of our protagonist).

I wanted to post the photos we took at the restaurant but as I mentioned above I was too deep in thought that I forgot to ask my friend to send it to me.

Moral of the story:

1) Working too hard retards your brain.

2) Never do Cinderella for show and tell. It's gay. Better fairy tales suited for show and tell would be Beauty and the Beast or Snow White and the Seven ~~Midgets~~ Dwarves or Aladdin.

New (but boring) updates

2007-05-06T14:06:00.000+08:00

Updates!

It's been a long time since I've updated my blog. But I'm back! Dan the man is back in the house. But my name is not Dan.

Anyways, I'm updating after Pei Wen constantly reminded me to do so. I had actually told her I will update next year after I'm done with national service but I think it's not acceptable with her, so oh well.

First off, I will have to change this layout of the blog. It has been here for a long while and has served me well. But it's time for a change. I need something fresh. I'll be searching for something nice so if anyone has any good suggestions, please feel free to tell me.

Next up will be some good news. The good news is national service is officially going to end in 8 months and 3 weeks' time (more or less). It's the end of this 1 year and 10 months of...no life-ness and I can look forward to going to school in August 08 (going to school has never been so sweet).

Yesterday I went for a dinner with my sister and a friend of ours, Daniel, at Raku Ninja which is located in Citilink. The food was alright and dinner was great. My sister and Daniel were trying to persuade me to go clubbing, to which i was insistent (and I still am) on not going. So Daniel tried to use his sheer logic to convince me to go and I thought one statement which he made was quite cool and funny. He said his boss, a lawyer at a law firm where he is currently working, "is missing something...a life." The way he put it with a matter-of-fact tone totally cracked me up.

Anyway I'm still not going to the clubs, so don't bother to convince me lah.

The Rose

2006-09-21T20:28:00.000+08:00

I had a nice time talking to you on the phone yesterday and this is what i wanted to dedicate to you when i saw this at work today. I didn't have the chance to type this there and then because the office computer sucks and can't bring me to blogspot.

But anyway, here it goes:

The Rose
written by Amanda McBroom, sung by Better Midler

Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love it is a hunger, an endless aching seed
I say love, it is a flower and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.

This is a song I happen to come across at work today and somehow it just struck me. I did not have the time to go check out what kind of song it is, so I may not interpret its true meaning. But that's not important. The important thing is how I interpret it.

Why I want to dedicate it to you is because it summarizes what I used to feel and what I feel now. Before I met you I just thought relationships are your every-day come then come, go then go kind of thing. Basically just float from one partner to another, without batting the eye. Probably because me, like most people, are afraid of getting hurt by the other person and hence develop a pessimistic and negative view about relationships and girls. As can be seen by the sentences "Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed...an endless aching seed"

NOW, after I met you on that fateful day, things changed. I slowly but surely turned away from that kind of mindset and embraced a whole new one. I was changing, and I love it. And of course I love you, and only you. What I want to say is you showed me how I can also actually learn to care and love a single person so much, other than family lah.

The heart that is afraid to break and the dream that is afraid to wake reflects the nature of my childish and insecurities that I often feel but may not always say aloud. That means I just feel afraid of losing you. Sounds cliche but how many of us feel this way? Many I guess.

Like the sun, I hope I can be the one to brighten and liven up your day and life for as long as possible. I want to be your best friend, one that you can always turn to...until the day we go to the Promised Land that He has planned for us. And even so, I will still continue to be your best friend for eternity because only eternity exists from then on.

Once again, sounding cliche, but I can never say enough of this. I love you.

2006-09-07T18:58:00.000+08:00

my latest entry since I don't know when...

I had my check-up on my knee on Monday but the specialist said that it was nothing much, just that I have tight ligaments. I have so many things going wrong with my body and I only realise it recently, guess it can't be helped since I'm born with it...

Fast forward to today, I had some "intestinal contraction" due to "some bacteria from contaminated food". Haha, at least that is what the doctor told me. I think it must be the huge oyster I ate on Monday...

So, I didn't go for work today and I messaged my boss in the morning to tell him. Guess what? I was told to call him and he scolded me for not informing that I was taking medical leave. I mean what the shit? I told him that I won't be in the office today because I have a diarrhoea, so naturally, a person of normal IQ would be able to interpret and process it as I am going to take medical leave right? I can't believe that after seeing the doctor, I still have to call him "Boss, I saw the doctor le and he gave me medical leave for today"

That's utter nonsense because what, I'm supposed to inform him I saw doctor and took an MC? I can't believe there are people like that around, goes to show how capable he is...

well, anyways I saw one of my BMT platoon friend's MSN nick which he put artillery life = sad life. My strong opinion is that army life = sad life. You won't want to know how bad it is inside. Even the office environment sucks. I think unit life is so much better....*sigh

So much for now, recalling about my boss's stupid action made me lose track of what I wanted to blog about.

2006-08-24T00:17:00.000+08:00

its been such a long time since i've last blog. a long spell it is. anyways, i don't have much stuff to blog about these days either. work either sucks or is boring. army life gets to you once your work becomes a routine. it is like part of an assembly line, doing the same thing in and out every day.

no wonder i felt that my IQ dropped massively. i feel like a retard.

life is so mundane now, the thing that i'm looking forward to is the medical appointment with my orthopaedic (read: bone specialist) on the fourth next month. something is wrong with my knee and it hurts rather bad when walking and even sitting down. i might have tore my ligament.

ah well, if it's really the case, it would be my first every operation. definitely scared because anything can happen. i just hope for the best for myself. i hope you guys do too! (you better!)

2006-07-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

Traditions... how I despise this word and the connotation that it is associated with. Even more so, I despise the people who use this word loosely and hang it by their mouth. I feel that tradition is a poor parental excuse to make themselves look right and others (the child) look wrong.

Fuck you understand?

In this age, when technology is so advanced, where everything is so progressive and modern, the adults never fail to be so immature and dumb.

Despite all the claims about Singapore being a First World country and stuff, I think it's shit. How can you call a country a First World country when its citizens don't act like one? Do the adults use the word tradition and "because I am your mum/dad" just to shut the children up in an argument even when they are the ones in the wrong? Must such pride be kept? And for whatever reason?

No wonder many still consider Singapore a Second World country; the people (parents), maybe not the entire population of parents but still a sizeable proportion of them, hang on to such small pathetic egoistical pride that has no benefits whatsoever. So what if you shut your child up? Does it mean you can go brag to your dumb group of kakis/friends, "Eh yesterday hor my boy/girl argue with me lehs...I just say one word/sentence then they diam diam le. zai right?"

Fuck you understand?

In spite of all the knowledge we picked up in school, we failed to pick up, as well as inculcate, the proper social values to adults, let alone the children. It does not make a difference if we were to tell the kids to always listen to their parents and never argue back, when the parents themselves are doing the damage to their children. Recently I read a book by Mitch Albom, called "Five people you meet in heaven". In this book, i found a sentence so true and it goes: All parents damage their children.

Thinking about it, won't you agree so? Using all the verbal abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse, do you think it will help our children, our future leaders and the hope of the next generation to become adults who not only have critical thinking abilities, numerous talents yet at the same time, have a compassionate and forgiving character?

not one bit, i say. If we want to progress forward as a First World nation, one of the important things to do would be that the local adults/parents learn from their Western counterparts and know how to act like a civilized person and not some barbaric and demanding little piece of shit.

measure of a man

2006-06-11T17:11:00.000+08:00

i have not blogged for the past two months, due to enlistment and other personal stuff.

today is my first blog after such a long hiatus and much procrastination.

recently i've been bogged down with numerous issues it seems. issues that i have to face no matter what. its hard, but i guess i just got to grit my teeth and get it on.

i've wondered about this for quite sometime. know the song by clay aiken, "measure of a man"? indeed, how is a man measured?

by the length of his manhood?

by how much he earns and spends and how much he gives to charity?

by how affluent his background is?

by how popular he is with his friends and people around him. do people like him alot?

how...how do we measure a man?

after much thought, i came up with this notion. do get me wrong, this is only what i think how a man is measured. it is definitely not the sole method to measure a man.

i believe a man is measured by so many different factors that its staggering. in fact it is not possible to measure a man. however in my opinion, if i were to measure a man based on one attribute alone, this impossible act becomes a possibility. now then, what do we measure a man against? surely there must be a particular factor or attribute that we measure him by. i, for one, would measure him by how much he gives and sacrifices for his loved ones. it does not necessarily have to be his immediate family alone, but also his spouse or girlfriend, his close friends.

to be able to sacrifice for his loved ones, i think there is nothing in this world that is more noble than this. one does not have to earn big bucks or be popular to do that. it is purely an act of love. nothing complicated, just to do the best and be the best one can to make his loved ones happy and safe. that i say, is a man.

2006-03-28T23:10:00.000+08:00

i am not a popcorn fan. its not a recent thing or what but rather i've always not been a popcorn fan just that i do not voice it out. eating popcorn just isn't nice. it isn't that satisfying. it is tasteless and makes me feel like i'm eating some clouds. they even look like clouds! only that these "clouds" are somewhat yellowish, as if aged or something. eating popcorn to me is just like...eating air. exactly like the phrase that some hokkien or teochew or whatever dialect came up with...jiat hong (eat air).

its the same with munching on nachos. although the cheesy cheese that comes with it is rather appealing the nachos themselves just don't make the cut. nachos are tasteless as well, similar to popcorn but they sure don't feel like eating air. rather it feels like eating oversize sand grains; tasteless and crunchy and grainy. besides it is not healthy to eat too much of nachos as well.

eating a hot dog bun is just different. yes, totally different. the satisfying feeling that you get when you sink your teeth into the bun, then the hot dog and swallowing the whole warm bite and feel it sliding down your throat (of course chewing it well first. we don't want to choke do we). its good. uh huh its real good. its the real stuff, unlike eating popcorn or nachos.

i miss my hot dog buns. =(

2006-03-27T10:45:00.000+08:00

there're tons of things on my mind now. firstly is that stupid uncle of mine who only knows how to scold me. if i do not call my grandma or go see her, its my choice, so shut the fuck up. better yet, you might want to go fuck yourself or fuck a spider depending on which you prefer. this is the modern singapore alright and we have the right to do whatever the fuck we want and you should keep that foul mouth shut. if you can't do that, i would be glad to help you keep it shut however my preferable method would be to use ultra strong super glue since its one hundred percent guaranteed to work. yeah, so fuck you uncle. you stupid fucking piece of useless shit.

the next thing is that army's approaching, in which i will be entering on next friday. hopefully everything goes well and my wrist will be ok by then. it would be better still if the army personnel does not think the old injury is serious enough to drop my pes status. ah! i don't want to work as some clerk or anything related to boring jobs. that's not army, that's mindfuck. it drives you crazy and makes you detest the army.

i've also sent my applications to NUS, NTU and SMU. let's just now kick back and relax and see which university decides to accept me. i haven't paid the appplication fees though, hehehehehe. so people, please remind me alright? bomb my handphone with calls or messages if you must, but please remind me! i'm terribly forgetful.

i'm currently listening to canon in d. somehow or rather it soothes the savage beast (sounds cliche, but its useful so who cares?) in me. probably i'm getting more easily angered (especially by that fucked up uncle). i guess i should throw all these negative thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoy my numbered days! eleven more days (excluding today) before i become a dog...hai. life can't get any worse now can it.

feeling shitty. maybe i am shitty.

2006-03-13T18:03:00.000+08:00

life's b-o-r-i-n-g now. real b-o-r-i-n-g. i stay at home everyday and play games, while counting down my numbered days before i go off to the dog army. roughly three more weeks or so left on my available-to-have-fun status. yeah, in there i'm trained to sit, sleep, eat, shit and all sorts of "tricks". how interesting..and i couldn't ask for more. (in case you don't get it, i'm just being sarcastic)

maybe i should just challenge myself to a mini contest. a contest to see how long i can stay at home without going crazy. the prize would be...a sane mind. i haven't mention about the fact that i have not applied for any university courses yet, honestly its a big question that is becoming a big problem for me to grapple. there's many things i want to do and with so many choices, simply speaking i'm spoilt for choice. i guess i shouldn't rush it or take too much time. just hope that i can make a wise enough decision that balances between ambition/dream and practicality.

i recently just picked up playing ragnarok online, so if anyone is playing as well, care to join me? my in-game name is hinamoto (don't ask me why i have such a name or whether if it sounds gay, i don't know myself either). easy to play but somewhat boring to train on your own.

maybe i'm just wasting my life away. gah. anyone got any ideas (good ones please, shitty ideas will be duly ignored) what can a person do on this shitty little island? i feel like i suck now.

open house-ed

2006-03-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

i went to the open houses of the respective universities recently, NUS, NTU and SMU with pei wen. my first grouse is that NUS and NTU are big; too big in fact that i had a hard time finding my way around. firstly the signs are redundant and they don't help you to get to where you want to go. by redundant i mean, there are signs to tell you what places there are (etc the school of mechanical and aerospace engineering) but there are no arrows to point the bloody direction. so how the hell would a potential student like me find the place? bad points for both nus and ntu. besides the buildings look old and rather run down.

also, many friends who are now studying in nus have complained that the system there sucks. although i'm not sure what system they mean... but anyway another bad point too for the number one university in singapore.

smu, on the other hand, was rather impressive. probably because it was as established as the two other universities and hence, a relatively newer and modern site. another reason is probably also because that the campus wasn't as big as the other two. however, what made me take a second look at the place is because it was relaxing and my kind of place for studying.

anyway, i still have no idea what to apply for...have to think about it pretty soon. hai

i look like a twit last time

2006-03-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

i was doing some minor spring cleaning of my room earlier today, and i happen to come across some of my photos that were left forgotten in the drawer, collecting dust, cobweb and all sorts of nasty nonsense. since i had nothing much to do, i flipped through them to see what photos they were. basically they were photos that stretch all the way back to when i was in secondary one. maybe the photos jolted back some long forgotten memories, but they sure are nostalgic.

humans are sure funny creatures. within the span of a few years, our looks, attitudes and behaviours can take on a drastic 180 degree change. looking at myself, i'm actually quite amazed at how much my looks, attitude and behaviour have changed..maybe not so much of the behaviour part since i'm still a darn lazy bum and full of shit guy. but yes, i've changed much. i looked like a total nerd and twit last time, less twit-ish and nerd-ish as the years passed and now, this current look. many probably don't know what the hell i'm talking about but those who are closer to me, would understand me clearly. in short i look fugly last time. attitude wise, i was a hardworking and studious boy who thought all i had to do was study and study and study. introvert at heart and not easily open to others, it is very different now. now, studying is not everything, although of course it is important, but making sure the relationships are well and healthy are of equal importance as well.

anyways i look so much better now and i've grown more mature as well. ok i can't remember what else i want to blog about. time for the oscars!

boring shit.

2006-03-03T23:39:00.000+08:00

a fine day today it was, with nothing much to do. actually there was. firstly i had to go down for an interview for a job at guess which in the end, i rejected it because i'm entering the dog army soon anyway. besides most of my friends have been telling me to go enjoy myself now before entering, so i willing let myself be influenced by them. hehehehe.

met pei wen in the afternoon and we went to watch underworld : evolution. the show was not bad, kate beckinsale was hot, there were tons of action, of which 85% were gory with heads being splitted by axes, swords and all manners of sharp objects. lots of impaling and piercings and the whole show was practially bloody. half the time, the movie showed kate's character being covered in blood. not too shabby and it was a wonder that i was able to sit through the entire movie. seems that monster slaying isn't as scary as torturing people or killing them.

i guess i'll be watching more movies this month since i'm just whiling the time away. have to pick up some things/skills while i'm at it. blog off for now.

and so we shall see..

2006-03-01T23:57:00.000+08:00

ok, so today is the fateful day that i got my results. not too shabby, with a A for mathematics, A for physics, B for chemistry and a B3 for general paper. i just felt that i could have done a little bit better. i probably screwed up somewhere. am i happy? not very i guess when i consider so many people around me crying and mind you, they aren't tears of joy.

before receiving my results, i strangely did not feel very uptight. maybe a little nervous but that's all. when i did receive it and had a good look at it, i felt no stirrings in my heart. probably because i believed that whatever you get is the result of how much hard work you put in and all. i was quite indifferent about the whole thing. after all life still has to go on...

having said that, i still could not help but feel that i could do something for my friends and those around me. but i didn't because i did not know in what way i could help them out with. in a manner of speaking, a whole new road lies ahead of me, and i'll move forward on it. things change, but somethings just cannot change. i won't allow it to and i'll do anything in my power to make sure they stay the same.

national service is approaching, followed by a further education in university and after that, working life for me. guess that's growing up.

lazy to type a title.

2006-02-25T00:35:00.000+08:00

you know, its not weird that i'm not blogging very much. it shouldn't be weird. after all, i'm the lazy bugger you know. yes the lazy bugger. bums are forever bums. i figured if there ever was a need not to sleep/eat i probably wouldn't have since i'm just so lazy.

the results are coming out next week, on the first of march to be exact. i believe everyone is shivering in their beds with their heads under the pillow as they dread the passing of each day that draws the first of march closer and closer. just like every step that leads to the gallows. full of anticipation and at the same time, fear.

all except yours truly. i think i'm too lazy to even feel fear. laziness triumphs over fear, at least in my case. actually that's just bullshit. whatever comes, comes. i'll just deal with it when it comes and predicting or thinking too much isn't going to go much anywhere.

anyways i'm going to sleep, i'm so tired my limbs are giving way.

annoying bastards.

2006-02-16T11:32:00.000+08:00

i just realised why although everyone yearns to earn the big bucks, but its only the selected few who really are able to do it. there's got a lot of things to do with oneself's discipline and ability to commit himself to the task. after all, how many adam khoos can there be?

earlier about an hour ago i was downstairs buying food for my lunch. it only opened at 11. of course i didn't know so i waited there til it was time. at 11, expecting the stall to open, i stood there waiting for my order to be taken. alas, no single fucking soul came to approach me to take my order. i could see that they were still preparing their kitchen and ingredients, which made me thought "what the fuck are they doing? aren't they supposed to be open at 11? they should have done this much earlier ago."

to my chagrin, i wanted to order fried rice, BUT THERE WAS NO FRIED RICE! what the hell? i mean, you open your stall in morning and you tell the customer you don't have fried rice? this is really surprising given that i was their first customer and they haven't even sold a single shit. and no fried rice. it got on my nerves and i left. but after a while i came back because i couldn't find other nicer food to eat (not that theirs are that nice in the first place). what got me even more annoyed was that they pretended i did not exist even though i stood there, waiting. they just got about doing their own stuff, talking cock and the likes. you know, stuff that lousy hawkers like them do.

what set me thinking about this was that i bet these people have "i want to earn as much money as possible" on their wishlist. but i can tell them to kiss their stupid hope goodbye. look at the way they run their business. being successful takes a ton of hardwork, dedication and excellent service, be it you are in sales or f&b or admin or the likes. most people are like that. they always hope and wish to strike it rich, half expecting that money would one day drop on their heads one fine day. i think the only think that would drop on their head is bird shit and a huge ass tree branch to crush them and their naive dreams into oblivion.

maybe it's just me that i'm used to good service. i get annoyed easily when i pay for their service and i don't get it. anyways, fuck them.

hopefully.

2006-02-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

i haven't been blogging lately. with whatever that's left of my time before i enter the army, i'm trying to enjoy myself as much as i can. going out, looking for jobs, watching movies, playing games...whatever.

my wrist was giving me problems again. as usual. it was quite bad enough that i had to go for an x-ray. hopefully it isn't a badly healed fracture since it would give me lots of problems in the army...hai. when you get older and your body starts breaking down, this really sucks.

i haven't really been thinking much about myself these days. probably blog more over the next few days. more to come hopefully.

blah3

2006-02-08T19:43:00.000+08:00

being the lazy bugger, i've not updated for quite some time. not that i really had anything to update. i'm just typing some stuff now to fill up some space, just so i know i'm still alive. *checks for pulse* yes i'm very much alive, thank you very much.

the past week was quite boring. chinese new year, what can i expect? shops closed, roads closed, everywhere closed. one word says it all: BORING. but hey, i got quite a sum from my red packets, at least i'm not going to complain about that.

life's so routine now. eat, sleep, shit, play, go out, find work/work. repeat this ad infinitum. no wonder we have sad lives. ah well, nothing we can't live without right? though i discovered another of life's small joys. shopping. yes, i do enjoy shopping alot. so what if it sounds gay/pimp-ish/whatever.

i don't know what i'm typing now, everything's an incoherent mess. valentine's day is around the corner. great news for all couples and as for singles, either get attached or get more single friends to mope with or spend it alone sulking.

anyone knows of anywhere with reasonably priced but yet great chinese/thai/anything other than western/ cuisine? drop me a message will you? thanks.

where you they?

2006-02-01T21:49:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder, where are my friends? we've already completed school (unless results prove otherwise) and everyone seems to disappear somewhere, somehow. i guess they are doing fine. i hope they are. and i hope they do think whether i am fine or not, irregardless of whether they come and ask me how's life for me now.

crap.

2006-01-28T11:54:00.000+08:00

chinese new year sucks. waste a whole load of my time.

heartfelt words

2006-01-26T09:47:00.000+08:00

to pei wen (my sweetheart),

i know there are times we disagree and have conflicts. i don't deny that i am (in my opinion) unreasonable at times. i just want to say it goes to show how much i care. i must admit that these days i felt that we've become a little distant and plainer than what we had last time. at times i also admit i do feel like getting/going back to the times before, but i know it is not possible and i don't force it as well. all i can do and will do now is cherish the moments that we have now, that we can have in the future. time is something that we both don't really have, but what i want you to know that i enjoy and cherish each and every second that i spent with you, how little they may be.

many things i think i have already told you before, not once but on numerous occasions. i still find it unbelieveable that i met you. its really a one in a million chance that one can find another individual that shares so many common grounds with oneself. it was by a stroke of luck that i happen to see your profile on friendster and added you. and things, beautiful things happened from then on, and here we are now. i wonder if we haven't met, would i still be the me now or would i be wandering around aimlessly, without a sense of direction whatsoever? you made me change, for the better and you made me realise that i'm actually not an uncaring or unfeeling person that everyone, most people, and even me think. i have the capacity to feel. and i feel a lot for you, apparently.

you, for being who and what you are, is just so damn special to me. i can't claim so for many people, but you are one of those. we are only together for 2 months and 10 days, yet it seems a lifetime has passed and we've known each other for a lifetime. don't you feel so too? yet that is not to say that i've gotten bored of you or feel less for you. if any, i believe i feel more now, more than last time at least. and that is also not to say i know everything about you. i still continue to discover you in new ways each and everyday.

i feel lost without you.this post is specially dedicated to you. these words are just the tip of the iceberg for the true words are those in the heart that i cannot find the words or actions to express. yes, i love you so damn much.

yours truly,
gene

Immature love says "I love you because I need you." Mature love says "I need you because I love you." - Erich Fromm

i'm not ready for chinese new year.

2006-01-23T21:33:00.000+08:00

chinese new year is coming and i don't feel any mood or in the mood for it. strangely it seemed just yesterday when i was only a kid and whenever chinese new year comes, i'll get excited about it because of the new clothes i would get, the tons of chinese new year goodies available for my gorging pleasure and not forgetting the number of red packets i would get.

now, i can't be bothered with it anymore, no longer the innocent me (like i ever was hehehehehe). i kind of dislike visiting because its a hassle and i only go out of courtesy and even so, i don't stay at my relative's place the whole day as per tradition. even mum knows it and usually would hold me back until at least after lunch, after which i'm free to go out on my own, with my friends, go home or do whatever i want.

chinese new year goodies? sort of staying away from it since the un-innocent me knows that its damn unhealthy to eat so much oily, barbequed, sweet, salted food. as the body gets older, it gets more sensitive to such food as well. ah well, guess it's probably me who lost the interest in such food already.

red packets? i couldn't care less as to much i would get. the bigger the amount, of course, it would benefit me more since i will end up spending it all on some "useless and redundant stuff" which has "no practical use". i don't care if it is less or not, since money is not really an issue for me. not that i'm filthy rich but yes, i get by just like this.

the current kind of chinese new year does not appeal to the me now. to me, it has lost the warmness and family together-ness that is associated with it. not that i blame anyone for it. things happen, they change and i guess we have to move on, whether we like it or not. also, chinese new year, being such a major festival, not only to the chinese, but also the other races in singapore has become such a commercialized commodity it's sickening. businessmen and businesses have taken much steps to ensure as much profit is generated as possible. i mean look, they seem so desperate that even age-old commercials of Bee Chee Hiang (Mei Zhen Xiang) which i seen on television when i was like ten years old are still re-used even now. ah well, this helps to drive the economy on and what do we do if there is no money...

i'm still alive

2006-01-20T23:12:00.000+08:00

after staving off blogging for like 4 days, i thought i should try to update abit. just to make sure you guys know that i'm still alive. i wasn't blogging because i was too freaking bored, i did not have anything nice to blog about (not that i have anything nice to blog about now either).

anyway, i'll just blog what comes to my mind now.

Bus Hikes (old shit)
first off, i really want to save a big "Thank You Very Fucking Much" to our beloved public transport, the SBS and TransIsland buses for providing suched lousy and fucked up bus service to the whole of the Singaporean population. Monopolisation of the public transport is like this; they get to raise the stupid fares by 10 cents or 5 cents or how many cents whenever they want and whenever they feel like it. yeah i'm bitching about this little insignificant 10 cents or 5 cents. to an individual it is insignificant, but to the bus monopoly such as SBS/TransIsland, it means even more money made. 10 cents earned from one million passengers means an earning of one hundred thousand dollars. now that's not a small sum. and for the record, the bus service provided is still so lousy before and after all these fare hikes. the only thing i saw improving was the buses themselves, with now almost all buses air conditioned, and more running on natural (read: expensive) gas. the service is still fucked up, i must emphasize this. it is not fun when you see four bus 98s pass by one single bus stop that you had not reach and and wait for the next half to one hour for a bus 98 and not a single goddamn one comes by. so fuck you SBS.

Singapore Idol
i must say that Singaporeans really suck at creating original things. look at the title! Singapore Idol. wow, it was so original i thought Americans copied us because they has American Idol. come on, think of your own name. people can tell that it was copied from the American Idol by our local media so as to get those suckers glued to their televisions to watch it and generate more profit for our friendly local television station. and unfortunately, we have people who are suckers for such shit. too many suckers in fact, so much so that each television channel just had to come up with their own singing competition. Suria with some malay singing stuff. Channel 8 with their Jue Dui Superstar (too lazy to type in chinese). the Vasantham Central doesn't need any singing competition since they're always singing and dancing in their lame shows anyway. be more fucking original can?

Wei Lian (winner of the first Superstar)
which brings me to my next point. i think Wei Lian sucks. in fact i hate him. why? because he is blind and i am just that prejudiced. if you're blind, just stay blind and stay out of the fucking limelight. i must say that most Singaporeans have poor standards when they judge a person whether he or she is to be a superstar. i mean, look, being a superstar means that you not only have to be talented at singing and dancing and doing all the typical superstar shit, but it also means you got to have the looks! not looking like you're zoning out when you sing, staring off into space as though you're imagining some romantic scene and being a dopey shithead. looks is a major criteria for being a superstar. so what you have the most badass voice for singing. your stupid dopey zoned out look is a sure mood-killer. so screw you wei lian.

thats it for now, can't think of anything except such stuff. til then.

lucky? i guess so

2006-01-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

i was sitting on my usual sit on the bus 79 on my way home, looking out of the window (zoning out) and listening to Darren Hayes' "So Beautiful" on my ipod mini. and i just started to think about things all of a sudden as i always do whenever i'm alone.

i guess i'm a lucky dude. seriously. i have a family, a girlfriend who loves me (as i do her). i have shelter from the rain, food to eat, an education for a better life and some money to spend. sure, i may not be well off but hey, i'm not complaining. i belong to what you call the average household. but there are much more people in Singapore who are worse off than me. and we're not even talking about African countries/states here. In Ethopia, which is a grossly overpopulated and under developed area, how many people die from starvation, die from lack of shelter from natural disasters? we're not talking about hundreds of people nor are we talking about thousands of people. we're talking about tens and hundreds of thousands of people suffering over there. so who's getting it bad?

though being a pure Singaporean, i myself do not really like it here in Singapore. but i must admit there are things in which the government has done well in the past and has continued to do well now. credit must be given here. in the past if i were given a chance to migrate to another country or study overseas, with all expenses paid and nothing for me to worry, i'll say yes immediately without hesitation. but right now, if i were to be presented with the same situation, i'll answer with a no instead. no hesitations. no need for thoughts.

i just thought that there are too many beautiful things, beautiful people here that i've encountered at different parts of my life that i just can't let go off everything like this and head off for another country. and to give up dream for these people, is a piece of cake for me. sounds silly? think about it carefully and see how many people can do it. man is a creature who takes things for granted and i, being a human as well, am not spared from this. i definitely cannot avoid taking things for granted but i try my best to prevent myself from doing so.

and to protect all things i deem beautiful in this otherwise ugly country, i do not mind becoming the devil. there's no use being a saint. the devil is much better and much more effective at getting things done. is this fate or destiny? i'm not sure. i do not believe in that bullshit. our own fates lies in our own hands. we carve our own destiny by ourselves, with whatever abilities we possess or gain. probably this path has been determined by myself sub-consciously from the start. and i do not regret it at all. never ever.

Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own mind. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. - Helen Keller

hehe, xiaxue

2006-01-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

wooot i saw xiaxue a.k.a wendy cheng just now! and we both happen to take the same bus. now, she stays near teban gardens..surprise surprise. anyway she is damn petite (small size: xxxxxs). even with her heels, i was about a head taller than her, although i was nowhere tall. i estimate her to be at 1.5 or maybe less. hahahahahahahahaha!!! ah well..can't blame her for that...

i am right!

2006-01-12T22:45:00.000+08:00

i was right when i told myself either that i change my working style or change my current job. i'm not ashamed to say that my manager asked me to resign. ah well, since i'm not cut out for the job, why not? its sooner or later that i would quit this job.

well, on to find other jobs now. plus with more experience, i can find better jobs elsewhere hehe.

bought a pair of guess watch with pei wen today. hehe the couple kind lah. for a brand like guess, it wasn't very expensive and its very asthetically appealing to the eyes. to my eyes at least.

more free time now. shall start job hunt tomorrow. woohoo!

=D

2006-01-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

i love pei wen =D

wimpy sales promoter

2006-01-10T23:07:00.000+08:00

the weather's cooling down but the heat's getting up on me. literally. sitting here, my body temperature's spiraling upwards and out of hand. i guess it'll be soon before i lose my ability to think and respond. in other words, if you do not know what i mean, i'm getting a fever soon. ah well, there're many things not within my control..so there..

the heat's getting on to me to perform on my job as well. being a sales promoter isn't easy. right from the start, mum said so and i was doubtful about it. but here i am, the seventh day of work and i realise several things:

1) i am not cut out for such sales jobs. maybe a sales assistant, but not a sales promoter.

2) i am such a wimp. i do not really dare to approach people to promote my product as per say my job. i wait for them to have some interest in my product before approaching them.

3) my detest for the typical Singaporean has increased several fold over the course of this seven work days because there are just some fuckers who are there to give you hell on an otherwise pleasant day

ah well..these are within my control. guess i'll have to change it or change job. lol

join my manager become tang lang quan (praying mantis fist) master. hahahahahahahahaha!! can hold lessons at the nearby community centre for the old folks.

yeah right

2006-01-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

they say...

silence is gold.

ignorance is bliss

tolerance and patience are virtues.

yeah right. fuck them.

super duper overdue

2006-01-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

the super duper overdue post that i wanted to do since LAST MONTH. ah well, better late than never as they (i might wonder who are the 'they') always say.

i wanted to do this post as part of the leena's dedicated birthday post (which was more than a month ago) but i could only do so since i just got this from frede bro. its ok frede, we're busy i understand. busy playing hahahahahahahaha!!

so here's the rest of the photos that we took on leena' birthday at sentosa!! the words on the floor are thought up and done by frede. i only helped in a minor way.

my boring life (again)

2006-01-07T23:09:00.000+08:00

it has been a rather uneventful past two days. surprisingly i made my first sale yesterday to the same guy who came and asked me tons of stupid questions (mr. dsf, from the previous post). no sales today, but well, we'll see how it goes. i'm kind of getting sick of sales so anyone has any jobs available mind tell me about it? thanks ;)

met pei wen in town yesterday to go for supper yesterday. she finished work at 2 a.m. since she had to do stock replenishing and inventory check (if i'm not wrong). poor girl, it made her so tired..heart pain for her. in the end we didn't go for supper because too much waiting made the appetite go away. took a cab back and slept the moment i reached home. of course after i've checked my mails and stuff.

expectedly i was tired during work today. kept nodding off around 6p.m. but managed to overcome the sleepy bug to continue working. actually its more of slacking since there aren't much customers around. just talked with my colleague and the other ladies over at guardian.

that's all for now. feeling rather drained and weird.

something's wrong with me. i can't exactly quite catch it.

what a day what a day.

2006-01-05T22:06:00.000+08:00

i realised i've been too polite when i'm posting on my blog and seriously sometimes the things that come to my mind are cleaned up and processed before they are uttered by my mouth. for example, what the fuck? becomes what the hell/freak? so, for now, i'm gonna heck care it and just say what i really think. about today of course.

yes, today was a fucked up day. first my job was fucking boring since there were so sales and i met quite a few fucked up customers. real fucked up. but before that, my manager came and find me today and even bought me a drink. of course my "omigawd i fucked up detector" went off like crazy. true enough, he asked me if i had any problems working and of course i said no. really, i didn't have a problem working. maybe the customers at jurong point are such fucktards and so bloody dumb and ignorant they don't know about what i'm selling.

anyway my manager told me that the big boss over at the office was asking how come i did not make any sales yet. yes, people who started the same time on this as me have already made a few sales, but hello? what the fuck? today is only the second day i started work and what kind of fucking sales do you want? ten products sold in a day? i say fuck you! but of course, i did not say it out to my manager lah. although he has really screwed up hands. have you seen before the shaolin kickass praying mantis fist? yeah his hands were locked like that. all the time. maybe he is a master of the praying mantis fist??? haiya! no bully me, if not i kick your jackass! hahahahahahahaha. ok enough laughing at his deformed hands.

so that's one thing. there's two more things that kind of pissed me off today. yeah well i work at guardian, down at that dank, stupid shitty basement in some you-know-where shopping mall. and over at guardian, i have this booth for myself. to sell my product. and it has this annoying advertisement that i can almost memorise after listening to it looped over and over and over....

two indian guys approached me, and talked to me in their fucking thick indian accent. like the fuck i can understand what they're talking about. but being so fucking brilliant, i could make out what they wanted from me, by reading their lips. i'm smart yeah? so don't ask how come i can read lips. yeah and they both (on separate occasions) asked me how to get to the post office. it sounded to me like push offpik. i even remembered a chinese guy asking me this same thing. i was quite pissed off by this and i just pointed them the direction. seriously they're really some fuckheads. the BIG sign with the words POST OFFICE (with an arrow up ahead) was just behind them and they still ask me where is the goddamn post office. from this i can conclude two things. one being, their eyes grow on their assholes and hence they can't fucking see the big sign. and two, they are shortfucks who can't see anything above their head, for fuck's sake. bloody shortfucks, next time lift up your fucking head and look carefully before asking. do i look like the fucking directory to you? is the word "DIRECTORY" embosses/carved/printed on my forehead? fuck you understand?

and the third thing that pissed me off was another shortfuck, who might have been a potential customer but sadly i was mistaken. since i do not know his name (nor do i wish to) let's just call him mr. short dumbfuck/dumb shortfuck, mr. sdf/dsf. so mr. dsf came over and asked me what this product was. like every other fucking imbecile that came before him. as my job yeah, i answered all this queries and stuff, thinking he was a potential customer. boy, was i fucking wrong to the core. at first he asked those normal questions like any other imbeciles would ask. then as he was trying out the product, this was what happened

mr. dsf: so does this work during a power surge?
me: ...
me: uh, i'm not sure about that.
me: *thinks* why the fuck do you want it to work during a power surge? are you fucking dumb?
mr. dsf: oh i see...
me: well, would you like to get a set sir?
mr. dsf: let me consider..i saw this on the internet, but i forgot whether its this or not..it's something similar..*walks off*
me: *mumbles* what the fuck, don't act like you're considering when you actually can't afford you dumbfuck. do i look like the bloody techinician to you? nbcb.

the moment he asked me that power surge shit, my heart sank. deep inside me, i was thinking "what the fuck...you just had to spoil my hope" seriously, this may sound biased, but hey, i don't really give a fucking damn! most jurong point shoppers (in case you don't know where i work) especially the adults, are such shitass, ignorant dumbfucks. who can't lift their heads to read signs and don't know what in the bloody hell are they asking a salesman.

bunch of imbeciles. fuck you understand?

fucking off.

p.s. this blog is so cool! exactly like what i was talking about flower languages. only that this guy is more cool, has better sarcasm and wit and of course language than me. read on! http://www.museum-of-twits.blogspot.com/

prom night 2005

2006-01-02T09:14:00.000+08:00

prom night 2005 truly marked the end of my, and many others', junior college life. that is, if i don't get retained lah. it was definitely a great night held at the suntec ballroom. who says you need to hold prom at a hotel in order for it to be fun? well definitely, i thoroughly enjoyed myself that night and i think its the mood and atmosphere of the people going for prom, that's us, that determines whether it is fun or not. as like with all proms, the host was great, though the games played were lame. being the lazy bugger me, i was stuffing my face at the table. 8 course dinner lehs. the food, of course, rocks my socks. totally. there was plenty of food around, few were eating and most were standing around, totting in their stilettos or striding around taking photos. tons and tons of photos were taken that night. everyone looked pretty or handsome or wrong in their suits, dresses, gowns and make up...blah blah blah.

prom king was yihao (quite expected) and prom queen? valerie. now that's quite unexpected but anyways congrats to both for winning the respective titles. these are photos that i took from prom. not very nice i guess. my face ma, where got nice photo??? more prom photos will be uploaded as i get more.

also there are some other photos of me with my new spectacles courtesy of mum. she made the same pair but of different colour. you may realise i took these shots in the toilet. hey it was at night and its the only most well lit place at home.

and a merry new year...

2006-01-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

woot, its officially 2006, the new year that we've all been waiting for. first of all, a merry new year to one and all. may all your wishes/dreams/hopes come true. good luck to those entering ns/those going back to school to study (poor suckers) and everybody else who is doing one thing or another.

2005 ended off in a great way, and the ushering of 2006 is definitely not one to be criticised as well. many new and exciting things lie await for all of us. for me, it would be entering national service. other exciting things (according to my definition of exciting) would be the release of the playstation 3 and nintendo revolution. a whole new war is coming. woohoo! console war here we come! next up would be the world cup 2006! it is nevertheless one of the most exciting and happening events around. of course it would be, with all the bettings, winnings and losings, who wouldn't be excited? all people alike, whether soccer fanatics or not will be caught up in this soccer fever one way or another.

as of now, there are many thoughts running through my head. i'll only speak of a few here. one thing is, i'm officially off from junior college life (unless my results suck ass and i have to retain). the prom that was held on the 30th of december at suntec ballroom truly marked the end of my life in junior college. wonderful and hated memories alike i shall bring with me, for better or for worse (probably the latter). more about the prom later as i have yet to receive photos from friends and these photos will subsequently be posted up, so await for more updates.

to all my friends, especially those closer and dearer to my heart (you know who you are, there's no need to name names), i wish you all the best to your health, your pockets, and your mind. study hard for those still stuck in school and do well. train hard for those entering national service with me. most importantly stay happy always. i'll not forget anyone of you and i hope the same goes for you to me (i hope la).

once again, merry new year. i'll sign off here and post more stuff in the next update. =)

cheerios!

gah. outdated update

2005-12-29T15:55:00.000+08:00

whoah, i managed to recover from a bout of spyware attacks on my computer through system restore. probably there are many more trojans and spyware hidden deep within the files but ah what the hell, i shall not be bothered with it as long as it doesn't surface. as dexun would say, "aiya hiew lan it lah, scan or don't scan also still have."

yesterday had a great shopping day with pei wen. i also found a job at energie eyecare, a company over at the ministry of national development building selling this device that reduces myopia and improves vision. to say the least, the pay itself is ridiculously good. but i'll keep quiet about that, not sure whether they're still hiring but anyone looking for a job can try to give them a call.

i bought a pair of levis 505 regular straight cut jeans waist size 28 for only $52.40. how cheap is that?!! granted the 505 may be a old make, but still, its not everyday that you can buy a pair of levis for only $52.40.

i'll start my traineeship from tomorrow and there's prom tomorrow as well! finally here it comes, getting somewhat bored from waiting for it. actually i'm kind of bored to go prom since there's nothing much i can do there. eat, talk, drink, take photos. what else? and i also can't go for the countdown with the rest since i'll need to work on saturday. suxxor!!!111 but well..the pay's good...too good to be true in fact...

i also watched the chronicles of narnia with a big fat ass on tuesday. leena' big now lah. eat and eat and eat. and complain that she's big, what crap. but anyways, the movie was good, although some parts were annoyingly irritating/irritatingly annoying. sis says she wants to buy the books. great idea! but not now though because with all the hype around it'll definitely inflate the prices of the books. and i can read them as well...hehehehehehehehehe. that was a fun day out with fatty since we haven't seen each other for godzilla years.

school's starting. happy studying! hehehehehehehehehe

happy working/money earning to me. =D

p.s. i'm such a jackass but i love it!

this the season of great great sales, fa la la la la...la la la la...

2005-12-26T12:22:00.000+08:00

its post-christmas now, and i bet everywhere stores and shoppers alike, are preparing for a major, major and i mean major year end sales. probably up to 70% discounts in many places. ah well, i don't have money so too bad for me.

2006 is approaching soon. a new year for all of us, guys to ns, girls to work (or slack) and the rest back to our normal, boring (oops) life. hopefully the things we have made in this year will keep us accompany for the rest of our lives. i know some impacted me alot. this is not the time to think of all the "what ifs", this is not the time to think of all the "if onlys". this is the time, to think of what you want to do next year to better improve ourselves, as well as wrap up the shit we made this year. big or small, they're still shit and its definitely better to do something to improve on it. i know i can. haha.

i'm looking forward to national service next year! hopefully the training won't be as slack as some of my dudes that have already went in said. slack training is what makes people hate national service i think. ok, at least it applies to me.

there are many things i want to blog about, but not at the moment..some i do not have the words for it. hehe..

on a last note, do i look pretty? hell! everyone's been telling me that yesterday? look pretty meh? the previous post makes me look normal what. *mutters*...

hohoho.

2005-12-25T21:53:00.000+08:00

yeahh, happy christmas to all and a soon-to-be merry new year as well. it was crazy everywhere, yesterday and today. crazy sales and even crazier crowds everywhere, especially in town. yesterday night was really crazy. i spent 20 minutes trying to cross from ngee ann city to the orchard mrt station. a mere...500m? took such a long time to cross. to say its crowded is an understatement. it was more like a battlefield out there. spray cans littered the whole place and everyone spraying everyone else with the foam shit. miraculously all the spray cans were cleared by today. probably the police spent the night clearing it. good job police!

well today was quite a normal day, only met up with fred bro and went to sim lim to walk around, inquired about his camera before heading down to town to look for presents for pei wen. found some rather unique stuff..so yeah wahaha.

had steamboat over at amanda's place earlier. a lovely, simple dinner and i drank abit of beer. now my head hurts. think i'll go sleep soon.

new hairstyle, new hair colour, same old spectacles

2005-12-23T09:38:00.000+08:00

ok as promised here are the photos that i took yesterday and i've just uploaded it. new hairstyle, new hair colour, same old spectacles. *mutters* got to do something about that though...

the colours are not pretty obvious in the photos because they were taken at night. its actually dark brown, not black with copper highlights that look really orange. see the real person for the real effect. hehe

22nd december 2005

2005-12-22T19:40:00.000+08:00

yeahh just dyed (did i spell it correctly) my hair today. some dark brown base with copper somethings highlights and a uber cool hairstyle (i like can le). i'll take photos and post it up later on. it was a bomb spent to do my hair (not the kaboooom kind, but the ka-ching! ka-ching! kind of bomb). well sandstorm monsoon is relatively cool. the seat i got even had a small screen for my viewing pleasure. i do not mean porn please you horny buggers out there. i was treated to the movie cat woman, while waiting for my hair to absorb the colours.

but it was quite tiring and i almost fell asleep a few times. don't know why these days i feel so tired in the morning and afternoons and feel so damn awake at night. *mutters* i must be nocturnal...

anyways something freaky just happened. i was checking friendster and apparently a guy by the name jimmy sent me a smile and when i checked his profile...guess what? he's interested in relationships with men and dating men! whoah! a gay!!

but come to think about it, either its that i'm pretty to him or he just happen to see my profile and just send a smile, just for fun. either way, its a great boost to whatever ego i have. attract guys leh. how many people can boast that?

last note, chronicles of narnia came out today! damn i can't watch it til next week...

so far.

2005-12-21T09:13:00.000+08:00

yep, i'm going to quit working at g2000 soon. time to look for another job. why quit you ask me? because the working hours are crap i tell you. i was looking at my schedule the other day, to my horror/disbelieve/amazement, i'm going to get all 6 - 11pm shifts for the time i'm left there. how sucky can that get? and get this thing, i'm working in town and not some place there is near and accessible to my home. quite the opposite in fact. the only cheap transport home available to me would be to take the 143 bus at the stop nearest to Heeren, which lasts for an hour. great, an hour wasted on traveling so that would make reaching home to be about 12.30a.m. or so. ah well, i'm only working til this saturday. the manager told me i'd have to work til the 26th, which is the coming monday and i told her great, i'd be happy to work til then. of course its great! the 26th is my off day and since i already got off on the 25th, this means i would only have to work til the 24th which is this saturday. hehehehehehehehe, she didn't realise what she did. poor thing.

anyways, another thing i'd like to take note of for myself, which is something i observed. i recently have not read the papers with the same intensity or fervor as i used to. probably because devouring news in the past had a link with enhancing my general knowledge for general paper. now, there's no need for that anymore. haha. also, there's nothing much to read in the papers or rather, the news have become relatively uninteresting and bland. most articles are on the fervant blasting of the old NKF management and how suxxor!!!111 it is. luckily bastards like never trust the NKF since time memorial and i've never been a sucker to donate to them. charitable organizations in the home state are simply not as charitable as they seem to be.

a good recent example would be yesterday. as i was heading to heeren with yihao, weijie and gabriel, we were stopped by a few young and apparently immature girls (who are trying to act mature with their mascara and eyeliner). they wanted to get us to donate by buying a shitass 10 dollar keychain in the shape of a canned drink such as Coca-Cola, Pepsi, 7-Up and the likes. asthetically speaking, the keychains are a disgrace and sight to behold. they are not constructed well and looked as if the can body was made from leftover party poppers. and so these few girls were trying to act mature and cooing incessantly and persistently to get us to either buy the bloody keychain (a general rip-off) or donate 2 dollars for some unknown charitable organisation. while we manage to hem and haw our way out of the situation, yihao did ask them if they receive commission for the keychains they sold and a voice from nowhere (funny how it appears) said that they only receive commission for every 80 dollars they raised (cheated is a better word). upon hearing that, we could only politely tell them to screw off (f*** off rather).

singapore isn't so charitable. come on, you gotta admit it.

flower language is way not cool.

2005-12-21T08:39:00.000+08:00

funny how these days people like to pepper their conversations (by conversations i mean messaging on the msn or through sms) with tons of additional...what i would called flowery language. of course, at the onset of such widespread influence of the media as well as peers, it is not surprising to see such flowery language (maybe i should call it the flower language) popping up everywhere. sounds like the hippies in the 60s eh?

at first it was a pretty standard form of jargon that was commonly used by people, namely girls and some kiddos. kiddos as in boys who do not act their age (whether it is acting younger or older - i.e. being childish) or really young boys who know nothing better.

as time passes the flower language slowly starts to evolve itself, with more variations and even more flowery stuff coming out here, there and basically everywhere. maybe you are confused by what i am talking about here. so let me give you an example.

me: yo what's up? i'm bored...
hippie wannabe: hahaz/hahax, boredz/boredx arhx/arhz..go out lorx/lorhz/norz/nor/norx
me: go out? nah...i don't have money spend now.
hippie wannabe: lolz/lolx, denx/denz/go sleep or what lohz/lohx/lorx/lorz/lorhz...

see what i mean by flower language now? the words are stuck on with these frilly bits, in an attempt to make them look nicer? wow, what a cool concept. but as much as i applaud it for its creativity (it has to come from someone's creativity what, if not how would it even exist?), it is nevertheless an excellent way to irritate a person. hahaz.

to be honest, the above excerpt on an imaginary conversation actually should be deemed as the basic level of the flower language. the more advanced level, or more power level of the flower language would be this. iMaGiNe iF I sTaRt TyPiNg In BiG AnD sMaLl fOnTs WHicH mAkE rEAdiNg sUcH a bITch. nOt To mEnTiOn taT sHoRTfOrMs ArE pRaCtICalLy aBUsEd n uSeD aT eVerY oPpOrTuNiTy aVaiLaBle. BcUz i lIkE iT tIs wAyzZz mAaxXx. hAhAzx.

more than five minutes was used up to demonstrate that example of 3 lines/38 words. its a wonder we are able to adapt to such confusing jargon. again, demonstrating the human's ability to adapt and survive. surely, if we do not adapt, i predict a worldwide phenomenon..actually a nationwide phenomenon of red eyes, increased shortsightedness as well as cases of people turning blind. hahaz. bCUz i lIkE iT tIs wAyzZz mAaxXx. hAhAhAHaHazXz.

a disgruntled and bloated part timer.

2005-12-18T00:19:00.000+08:00

yeah and i just reached home. had dinner at mum's place with pei wen. as usual, the food there was awesome, a seafood buffet..simply great..or is it? and the usual me gorged on all the delicious food laid out there. not my fault what. they're just lying there waiting for me to eat them up ma. as a result, had a badly bloated up stomach (don't know why my appetite these days are soooo small, dammit) which i resorted to using lousy means to solve (read: self induced puking). anyways thanks to mum for that wonderful dinner.

i'd also want to kaopeh about my current job. SUXXOR!!11. working at g2000 sucks! totally! the working hours are crap and the pay sucks, for the kind of workload i get. seriously i work 2pm - 11pm almost every time i work, i hardly get the morning shift and i can never negotiate over the timetable. what the hell! i'm only a part timer, not a full timer. this is real crap, i really want to get a change of job. it is not to say i dislike the work there but honestly, i rather under-work than over-work for that kind of measly shit pay.

my manager is definitely scheming to work me to death la. i just saw my timetable and i realised i have a full shift sometime next week. huh?!?! a part timer working full shift? hopefully those other jobs which i had applied while i was working at g2000 would give me a god-sent call and liberate me from this madness. truly madness.

signing out.

roar. =(

kong, the eighth wonder of the world!

2005-12-14T09:22:00.000+08:00

this is seriously a great movie not to be missed ladies and gentlemen. i went for the preview movie yesterday all thanks to free preview tickets from uncle. went with pei wen, frede and sumei and had tickets for sarah and her boyfriend and xinrui and her boyfriend. the movie, with all its hype, was not a disappointment. it was great and director peter jackson delivered another great movie once again.

the movie was slightly longer than 3 hours and there were lots of action lah. especially when driscoll went to save the female lead, ann. but what i was most impressed by the movie was not only the landscape and action (i bet cgi was used in massive dosages) but rather the way director peter jackson captured the feeling at a particular moment in the different scenes. for example, fear was the emotion that i could feel most significantly when the ship entered the foggy area in the sea and everyone was listening and looking out for rocks and walls.

also what set me off thinking also was that the ship's entire crew set off to rescue ann when she was taken away by the big kong himself/herself/itself (not sure whether its a male or not, there are no signs of any reproductive organs). i think this is what we call humanity as the crew braved all sorts of dangers, from vicious dinosaurs to huge ass creepy crawlies and king kong too, not to miss it.

indeed it was the beauty that killed the beast, as denham played by jack black said, when king kong died a tragic death, falling from the top of the empire state building.

truly a magnificent movie and yet another great production by director peter jackson. kudos to the man.

p.s. there were several funny areas, such as the fact that skull island was said to be uninhabited by man, yet there were natives there. so they are not humans? then what? maybe they think they are kong's children since they're so black, but so it mr. hayes what (first mate of the ship) what. he is a black guy lehs.

another one would be the fact that new york city is SO brightly lit when the ship was leaving at the start of the movie. too brightly lit in my opinion that it doesn't look like the era in which the movie was set, presumably the industrial revolution. you have to watch the movie for yourself to know what i am talking about ;)

the shit wars part 2

2005-12-13T09:48:00.000+08:00

diary of a particular white blood cell soldier. again.

day 3 (today):
things seem to get better these days. ever since the reinforcement from yesterday, the GBA's been getting stronger and stronger by the minute. hell, the soldiers didn't even experienced excruciating butt pain last night. the anti-diarrhoea devices and painkiller bombs worked like magic. we're starting to push back Darth Shititious's forces back even more. guess tomorrow will be the final battle...

the shit wars part 1

2005-12-12T13:11:00.000+08:00

diary log of a particular white blood cell soldier

day 1 (yesterday):

the GBA (Gene's Body Armada) was completely crushed by Darth Shitious. had to retreat back to the safety of the toilet not once, not twice, not thrice but six times. how shitty can that get? set up temporary camp in the toilet.

began to fight back in the afternoon. Darth Shitious is being pushed back ever so slightly. the GBA has a chance of winning!...

...yeah right, Darth Shitious struck back with an ambush that got us the GBA scrambling for the toilet seat four times. shivering with shit in our pants as we did sentry rounds at night for fear of a night attack. nobody dared to clean up.

day 2 (today):

reinforcements came from the outermost part of the shitty galaxy two million light years away (a.k.a. the doctor). painkiller bombs and anti-diarrhoea devices were dropped along with more white blood cell soldiers. things are looking good for the GBA now...

so sad.

2005-12-11T09:30:00.000+08:00

wah kao...i still don't feel any better from yesterday. if any, i feel worse! its only morning and i already went to the toilet 5 times! hai, i think i'm gonna shit until i die and i'll die a lonely death because there's no one at home right now. my stomach hurts. my ass hurts. sobs.

and today is the first day of work for me! simply stunning, i can't even walk properly, let alone entertain customers. what a joke. i found a job yesterday just to lose it today. i don't think i can turn up for work. sians, first day of work and i can't go, surely get sacked one loh. i mean where in the world have you heard of a person not attending first day of work? its simply, absolutely nonsense. even though i encourage workers' welfare but this is definitely not acceptable, even for myself

how how how...maybe i just rot and die at home lah.

stupid diarrhoea.

hai

*pumping that glass of hot water*

i am ill!! but i found work

2005-12-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

crap. i am not feeling well. =.= had a diarrhoea attack just now while i was in town. as a result me and pei wen had to give the nydc ice cream dessert a miss. anyways she was quite tired and her mum was asking her to head home earlier, so probably we'll go for the dessert another day. i'm really quite unlucky lah. i really did not expect myself to have diarrhoea.

what i meant was that i only thought i was suffering from abdominal muscle ache and not diarrhoea. that "whoah oh my god i think i'm gonna crap in my pants" diarrhoea. yes that kind. =.=

earlier i had dinner at pastamania. bad move! the pasta only serve as a catalyst to speed up the reaction of getting the diarrhoea sensation. really bad move. but ah well, i can't really blame anyone since no one, not even me, to suffer diarrhoea. *grumbles* and i thought it was just abdominal muscle ache...

but anyways the good thing is that i found work at g2000 today over at ngeen ann city. all thanks to pei wen. ^^. and i'm starting working tomorrow. which meant the diarrhoea really came at a wrong time. well, at least i took some chee-na medicine and hopefully tomorrow i'll feel much better (i really hope i do! diarrhoeas suxxor!!!11) so i can work the full shift.

*hums* money money money..must be money...

got 8 free preview tickets to king kong this coming tuesday. woohoo!!

one day late post

2005-12-09T07:57:00.000+08:00

i wanted to blog yesterday but my body was in too much pain to do anything. even lying down hurts. my whole body was like dying or something. my chest, back and abs hurt like hell!! didn't have much of an appetite because i think my stomach was compressed. =.= bloody hell. first time in so many months that i was in such excruciating pain. yesterday i only went for one job interview before i headed home le. it was too painful to walk.

luckily, today i feel so much better. i think my appetite is slightly back and yeah i can walk around more, although my back and abs is such a bitch as still hurts quite a bit. maybe this is a realisation of my own body breaking down...dying...

think i'll search for more jobs today.

groggy and stoned.

2005-12-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

crap, i don't know why these days i keep getting so tired easily. i wake up feeling so groggy and tired and stoned. quite stoned. i think it's probably because i keep having dreams for the past few days. and didn't sleep well as a result. quite vivid dreams i must say, but i can't remember what they are now.

this sucks, what if i go mad?

haha. whatever, i don't really care what happens to me now anyways. =)

just my dumb luck

2005-12-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

and so what a day i had today. i think i'm really down on my luck today. like everything bad is waiting to happen, all at once, on today. crap.

first i headed down to mohd sultan road for a job trying since the lady boss called me yesterday night. the weather was freaggin hot and every step i take made me perspire. all was well, until i reached her place. to my dismay she was not in, even though she told me to meet her at 2pm. stun! but then i was early so i waited, and waited, and waited...anyways i left at 2.10pm because i can't be that bothered anymore. you might say i'm impatient but then again, she was the one who wanted to hire me (probably because i went for the interview over a week ago and she calls me now) and she was late. also mum said it wasn't going to be easy working at a home decor shop because it'd be hard to sell off the products and she said my sis worked at a similar place before and it wasn't easy.

fine, so i headed down to town to apply for a job at newurbanmale since pei wen told me they were looking for staff, specifically male staff. upon filling up the job application form, i called pei wen and told her about it. then i told her i wrote in there that i didn't have any retail sales experience, and she told me i should have written that i did as it would be more to my advantage. the more i think about what she said, i couldn't agree more, but it didn't occur to me to lie at that point in time. i mean, lying or not, who really cares? people don't have morals these days. what's important is you get the job or not, that's what most people think i believe.

then the worst thing that could happen to me was having the bloody sole of my shoe coming off. it happened when i was walking back to heeren. felt super sian diao by then lah. like everything bad just had to happen today. me half limping half walking down to centrepoint with pei wen where i got a pair of new shoes, which made me feel slightly better then.

later on we watched chicken little. though it was quite a short movie (1 1/2 hours only), it was rather funny. i enjoyed it alot...and of course the company lah.

ok i feel even much better now.

stupid shoe.

review.

2005-12-03T20:01:00.000+08:00

yep, i'm here again doing another review of myself. i've been quite busy these days and i'm not really sure why. probably because i'm out hunting for jobs as well as trying to enjoy myself. felt rather tired these days. and sians. more sians than before the exams. i've been thinking why is it so...

these days i seem to get more and more comments about myself from people. mainly from those who don't really know me. the general comments are that i'm a bastard, not a good guy, ugly piece of shit and whatever you have it. well, i can't blame them since everyone's entitled to their own opinions. and i don't really care about what these people think about me since they don't know me personally or if they do, they just don't know me that well. that's all

but after a while, it gets to me. as in, i'll start to think why would they bother to say such things about me unless they have a grudge against me or something. first things first, i've never said i was handsome or a non-bastard. in fact, it's the opposite. i do put myself down. i say i'm ugly (which is of course true) and i do say i'm a bastard and i'm mean (yes these are definitely true). so you people with your loudmouth comments can keep it for yourselves. i know i already am those things. and by the way, take a good look in the mirror yourself. you're pretty fugly too.

just feel tired of getting this shit from people. i didn't do anything to them nor did i talk to them or said anything offensive towards or about them (maybe that's why they have a grudge against me? maybe i should say something offensive towards them). haha.

so can anyone tell me how to deal with it?

i think my life in Singapore has ended.

day at the beach.

2005-12-03T19:58:00.000+08:00

ya-ha! had a cool day at the beach with leena and frede. went cycling and slacked at the beach. it was quite relaxing larhs. and i almost forgot as well, merry birthday darius! you're now 18 le buddy. haha. finally can buy your own booze. i shall post the photos we took at the beach at a later time since frede is leaving for malaysia. cheerios. =)

a dedicated happy birthday post

2005-12-01T10:33:00.000+08:00

today's the birthday of my good (but fat) friend, leena! woohoo! merry fattiest birthday yet! i knew you since the start of the year, but wow, it was seriously cool to know you lah. yeah i'm like writing a testimonial for you here but who cares. haha. hope you will have the best time of your life from now on (i don't see how you can do that), enjoy your relationship (hehehehehehehehe), and basically being yourself and living the way you want to live. and the dreams and ambitions you have, just go for it. i'm sure you can do it. here's some photos of yours. (all of us look weird in it k)

there's the fugly me, fred and leena. but i'm not sure why she looks like that though. so different! hahaha. maybe the burger made her sleepy. and she has such a funny tan in the photo. ah well, what the heck. the main point of this post is just to say: merry 17th birthday fat hippo! =)

updates updates..

2005-11-29T08:32:00.000+08:00

ok so far, my life's been pretty alright. after the exams, it was somewhat a non-stop period of fun, fun and more fun. ok not to say i haven't been looking around for a job. i am! so yeah, until it comes, i'll just have more fun then.hehehehehehehehe.

i recently went jogging with a certain porker (a.k.a. leena) and we jogged around like 2.4 km. i think i seriously need to start training up my stamina. ran only abit and felt like deflating, man this won't do. since i've got some time before enlistment, guess i train up and at the same time buff up as well. and leena! you should start to train harder too! don't keep complaining that you're fat and stuff...i know you are lol! yeah, train harder so you won't land on your butt when you do frog jumps. *sniggers*

yep, and recently had a dinner with the other 4/1-ians to celebrate sarah's birthday. we went to town for dinner at swensons. correction, they had dinner at swensons. i was late and met up later. not really surprised to see that everyone's growing up and growing out of certain clothes. that's meaning size and maturity. haha. guess it's part of growing up. it was quite an alright night. pleasant, just sat around talking and walked heeren a bit. i bought myself a new ear stud, which in my opinion is ginor-mous. but that's not to say that i dislike it, in fact i kind of like it since it's so much bigger, it can be seen with more clarity instead of some puny stud.

went sun-tanning and swimming as well yesterday. i figured the sun would be pretty hot but boy was i wrong. when i reached the place, the sun decided to dump me and hid behind a gazillion clouds so there wasn't any sun and to top it off, the wind was blowing rather strongly and it even looked like it was going to rain. =.=

anyways hope there'll be more fun stuff to blog about. haha scratch that. i know there'll be more fun stuff to blog about. it just hasn't happen yet. ;)

look while you drive damn it

2005-11-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

yeah i was on my way home when i almost got knocked down by a car. the stupid bugger charged across the red light, when it was time for ME to cross the road instead of him. he's extremely blind in my honest opinion. seriously, charge across the road when the lights are red just to pick up his girlfriend? regardless of the consequences? like knocking down a person, getting demerit points, barred from driving possibly a fine and a jail sentence. what the hell is he thinking anyways?

anyways its such people who give the government the reason to increase the age limit for driving and drinking. he probably wasn't even drunk because he could apologise to me. i was very tempted to flip him the universal finger but yeah, i decided not to because i can't be bothered with the likes of him. then again, i wasn't too shocked when this happened. haha. maybe i was not afraid of dying.

but anyways the point is, don't bloody charge across the road like it belongs to your father, your grandfather or great grandfather. and in case you don't know how to drive or forgotten to rules, a trip back to driving school will do you much good. as well as many innocent people around you.

un-inspired

2005-11-23T19:29:00.000+08:00

ROAR. i feel so uninspired now. i don't know what to blog about. nothing seems to be worth blogging these days. or rather i think nothing seems to catch my attention to make me blog about it. well, i shan't try to hard to think of what to blog. hopefully, something, someone or somehow i'll get off this uninspired state and come up with something nice. til then, more boring stuff ahead i guess hahahahaha.

because i am so sians

2005-11-21T11:41:00.000+08:00

ya-ha! i'm so bored i did this crap and what do you know? its quite accurate! haha, try it dudes =)

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

weird game

2005-11-20T14:38:00.000+08:00

first of all! thanks to a certain porker, a.k.a. leena so pui ba, i have to play a weird game. kaopeh!!

Rules of the game:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.

2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this,and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.

5 weird/random stuff about me (thanks to porker, because i'm simply such a lazy bum to think of it myself)

well well, here goes.

no. 1! i'm fat. i don't know why i'm fat because people (a.k.a. leena) says so. now we all know who is the weird one. hehehehehehehehe.

no. 2! now i think i'm tall and i don't know why. probably its weird because i know i'm not. (now we all know who really is the weird one because i didn't think of this myself hahahahahahahaha)

no. 3! yeah i roll instead of walk. 'nuff said =.=

no. 4! i like to eat!...hmm is this weird i wonder...ah who cares

and finally..

no. 5! i'm gay. =.= i really think i am but since porker says so, i am loh.

after all those sians stuff, here comes the more fun and interesting part of this game. and for the next five suckers..i mean next five players of this "fun" game (hehehehehe) they are:

sarah
baoyue
apple
hui tze
john

haha, sorry to these unfortunate players. hehehehehehe anyways you guys are TAGGED!

the day after exams

2005-11-19T08:17:00.000+08:00

yeah, yeah the exams are finally over. everyone's going around in chirping happily about how they are finally released. ah whatever, i can't be bothered to do that.

came home only early this morning, about 2.30 a.m. 'cause i went to watch harry potter and the goblet of fire. hah, what goblet of fire, i'd extinguish it with a gob of my saliva. hahahahahaha. the show was not really up to everyone's anticipation and expectation. quite...meh. everything about the movie was so-so. however, in particular, i was disappointed in the acting of dumbledore a.k.a. dumby ( i think he should be called dumbo. maybe dumbass). it was super fake, super crap performance by some new oldie (hahahahahaha!! new oldie!), whom i can't be bothered to find out what his name is.

anyways mum pissed me off this moring. kaopeh kaobu about my pierced ear. so what man. its just a freaking ear stud.

knnbccb.

study retreat.

2005-10-20T18:16:00.000+08:00

well, i won't be updating my blog anytime soon with the approaching exams almost at the doorsteps. (i can almost smell it). henceforth i shall be retreating into a pia-ing state of muggerhood. i'll update my blog most probably after the exams. sorry for the inconvenience to people who do pop by and read my blog.

=) have a good day!

it's so scary.

2005-10-16T08:37:00.000+08:00

i'm sitting here right in front of the computer right now. its 8.37 a.m. on a sunday morning. a typical sunday morning like any other sunday mornings.

yet it's so scary.

the silence around me permeates. it's so quiet. there is not a single sound from the house except for the hum of the computer processor. there is not a single sound from the roads. people are not awake yet and i can hear no cars on the road. everyone is still living out their dreams in dreamland.

it's so scary.

there is no wind to rustle the leaves and the trees don't speak. the silence that permeates echoes the silence that is within my heart, my soul and threatens to overwhelm me. the silence is trying to fill up the gap found within my heart and mind.

it's so scary.

is there anyone to come and take this silence away from me? is there anyone to come and fill this gap up in me? is there anyone?

it's so scary and i'm afraid.

very the sibei sians.

2005-10-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

i'm very the sibei sians today, so i just thought of blogging what i did today, just for the kick of it.

be warned, its very the sibei sians one.

today, morning wake up then went to download some anime stuff on the comp. then thinking also when got time to get the hamster cage for my sister's hamsters. maybe after A levels. also slack around awhile 'cause still haven't work up the mood to study yet. also i clocked a record of 159 times of Sum 41's "Pieces" on my iTunes. an excellent song if you ask me, making it the top song of my choice currently. it's even playing as i type so probably will hit 200 times today.

around near noon, i went to bathe, fiddled with my new haircut. i went to cut my fugly hair yesterday you see. its quite alright if you ask me. and the funny thing was, there was a girl who asked her friend if i look shuai or not. she spoke so loud that not only leena heard, but me as well, although i wasn't really sure until i asked leena after that. i was quite embarrassed by it because i could sense that [even without my spectacles as i was having my haircut] she was staring in my reflection on the mirror. we had a good laugh after that. i'm nowhere near shuai lah seriously. people are like blind these days man.

as usual, i went to mac to study with sarah today. and as usual its super boring. but surprisingly today i saw youni [remember i had a previous post which i said that there was a mac girl staff who was looking at me]. i found out her name since then. quite duh, i knew since she was wearing a nametag with her name "Youni" on it. so yeah, i studied there while sarah was on her way. and i also found out that she was only secondary four. she looked older than me lah! or maybe i look young...too young...=.=.

when sarah came, the first thing she told me was that youni was there, so i was like yeah i know loh. then sarah said that youni was beoh-ing me. for your information, beoh-ing is a dialect term, quite a crude term, implying that someone, either a girl or boy checking out another girl or boy. so for example, we can have a girl beoh-ing a boy or a boy beoh-ing a girl. or a girl beoh-ing a girl and a guy beoh-ing a guy. talk about gays and lesbians man. when sarah said that i blur diao, like who the crap wants to beoh me anyway? i asked her how she knew so and sarah said that youni was looking around the corner. and i asked her if she was sure that is considered as beoh-ing because before sarah came, youni did that a few times already. then sarah laughed at me and said that wah so youni has already beoh-ed me a few times liao ah. i thought, bad taste lah, she blind then eyes pa stamp and can't see well then want to beoh me.

so i just shrug my shoulders and continued to do my studying. then later on in the afternoon, there was another girl who beoh-ed me again! this one from my secondary school, she did it like quite obviously...=.=. me and sarah were sitting at the tables near the restroom then this girl, i don't know who, was proceeding to the restroom with a couple of her friends. i happened to look up because i was thinking about a question then i caught her turning around and looking at me. so obvious lah! even without sarah telling me i also knew that she was beoh-ing me. why i say obvious because i was directly in her line of view and there wasn't anything or anyone else she could turn and look. and for the record why would she want to do so since she was going to the restroom? scared i will go peep at her is it? my notes better to peep at than her lah. and she irritated me last time because she kept shaking the bloody bench which was being shared by me and her a long time ago when i was studying for the prelims.

anyways, i studied until i was quite bored then went home. like everytime i go there also kena beoh. sians lah, why don't have anyone there i can beoh? quite an ego-boosting thing, but not much of a use since ego is really nothing much. and they only dare to beoh and do nothing else. i'd salute them if they ever dare come and talk to me or something. haha.

girls these days are getting bolder. althought this is not a very bad thing i must say. keep it up girls. hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

the unspoken words.

2005-10-13T17:22:00.000+08:00

i am moody once again.

i am moody because tomorrow is coming.

tomorrow is a special day, one that is not spelt out explicitly.

tomorrow is the last day of my junior college days.

its marks another significant chapter in my life. and soon a new one would have to open. i am sad, because i realise that, in spite of all the things i say about how i dislike school, how i hated studying, my heart does not agree. i realised that i actually would miss school, more importantly, i would miss everyone that i've known throughout this two short years, for some, this one short year.

such events are never said out publicly, but deep in my heart, it really means alot to me. it means that i would not be able to see my friends as freely as i would want to because we would all be going away. i know such leaving and partings are part and parcel of life and that we all would have to accept this inevitable fact. but i have never grown accustomed to leaving and i don't think i will ever grow accustom to it.

back in my last days of secondary school, i felt the same way as i feel right here, right now. but that wasn't much to compare with what i am feeling now. in secondary school, the friends, the people that i came to interact with, was considered quite minimal since the school system then was that we students are based in a classroom where our different subject teachers would come in for their respective lessons. different it is for junior college. there was a whole lot more of interaction, of getting to know people and people knowing you. there were many, many events and activities that encouraged such a trend. and to me, the more people that i came to know, the more painful and sad it is to have to accept that i would be, or rather, they would be leaving me. some i might not see them forever.

as i am typing this at this moment, my eyes are shedding tears, my heart is screaming silently, asking why do i have to go through this. i was once told that i was too sensitive, for a guy. i agree, yet it is this sensitivity that i have that allows me to really appreciate those around me, those who gave me your friendship and love, those who i call friends.

i just want to thank everyone for being a part of my life, being a part of my time spent in JJC. it was certainly the best moment of my life yet. and yet it is also the worse moment of my life yet. i just don't know how to deal with this sense of loss, i feel so helpless, knowing that i cannot do anything about it. there are definitely friendships forged that i really do want to keep, forever. for the rest of my life.

right now, i want to thank some people for their presence.

thank you mdm chee, for teaching me physics, although there are times when i don't really know what you are saying.

thank you mdm goh, for being a wonderful maths tutor throughout the year.

thank you ms pereira, for always putting me down because you wanted to push me forward, to be a better person as well as improving my GP.

thank you mr azmi, for being a great chemistry and civics tutor, always teaching me patiently and always tolerating my unruly hairstyle.

thank you 04S24 for a wonderful first year in JJC, i really enjoyed my time with you guys, although i'm not in the same class anymore, i have never forgotten about you people there. rock on.

thank you 04S11, john, hsiang fa, kok yen, zheng ning, jing kai, sihui, shirlyn, qing rong, siew yin, karen, shu hui, pei yan, nurul, hwee li, chee kiang, jason, deanic, wan hui, sam, mao, sharon, allan, and even guang rong, its was really a wonderful one year spent, for some two years, and i really got along very well with all of you. thank you very much.

thank you 24th student's council, for i've learnt alot from not only the councillors, but the teachers as well, especially Simon. thanks for the lessons taught and i will never forget them.

thank you to the remnants of 4/1 2003 who came to JJC, for still rocking on in the same college.

thank you to everyone that i know, and those that knows me. there's just too many of you, i can't name everyone down. it was a great pleasure knowing all of you.

and then there's three.

three unique and special people, whom i've never, ever and will never ever regret knowing. you really made a huge impact in my life. usually i don't name names on my blog, but this time, i don't really care.

firstly, Frede, my brother/buddy/si dang. i really want to salute you from the bottom of my heart. you're one great brother for the past 6 years and counting. you were someone that i developed such a strong friendship with. its really stunning, as you would put it. we've never argued before because you and i believe in compromising. you're really one hell of a guy, sweet and gentle natured and so well liked and loved by everyone around you. thanks for being my brother. i am honoured to be considered yours. yet at the same time, because of our strong brotherhood, there are times when i really felt devastated when we talked about the future. you did say before you might return to malaysia and continue from there. i was very distraught by that yet i did not tell you because you had your own life. i didn't have any right to stop you living the way you want to. i'm just very afraid that we might never see each other again and that's what that hurts me the most, more than anything else that you have done.

secondly, to a really special friend that i've only known for barely a year. her name is Leena. a quirky girl, with a great sense of humour as well as a great deal of love for her friends. i only got to know you this year and i can only say that i regret not knowing you even earlier because you have become such an important person, such an important friend that without your presence, my life would have been totally different. thanks for all the fun and laughter that we've shared and i'm really sorry for the arguments that i had with you, for the times you had to put up with my stupid attitude, stubborn-ness and all the crap that i gave you. despite knowing you for only a year, i feel that i want to consider you as one of my closest friend, or best friend you may call. after tomorrow, i won't ever sit at my spot at the pillar again. i won't ever disturb you in the morning again, laughing and joking with you, sometimes across all the tables. many things have happened this past two weeks, and to me, i could sense a change in our friendship. i did tell you about it before, that i felt that you've changed. you don't seem to want to talk to me anymore, nor be interested in joking and fooling around with me. i say this because i really treasure the friendship that we have, and such changes seem to signal an end to our friendship.to me, you've changed, and i do miss the old you. maybe i think too much. you have your own life as well, and you live it the way you want, i don't have the right to interfere. i've just wondered if you ever felt the same way as i do now? it does hurt to see the way things are now. i think you know what i mean...if not you can come ask me. really thank you alot. i want to keep this platonic friendship forever. i want to believe that a guy and a girl can stay as best friends. that's what i've considered you now. and i wonder...do you think the same too?

thirdly and definitely not the least, another special girl, Siqi. of course i believe what i say now does not really make much of a difference to you. but i also want to say that i also regret not knowing you earlier as well. you're really a very different girl from all others that i've known, at least in my life. and that's what make you special to me. to me, your presence indeed is another great impact in my life, in the short time that i've known you. despite what you say, i still strongly feel that its worth all this effort to keep on trying and trying.being of this age, what is worth the effort and what is not, i believe i can tell the difference. i just hope that you forget about the past and give me another chance. like i said, it'll be different this time, and i really, really do not hope that you'll have reservations towards me, like now. i'm trying hard to change things and i really do want to change the way things are now. so yeah, do give the second chance. things can be different if you do not be so reserved towards me, stop thinking about last time and stop avoiding me. i do not deny that i've did you wrong before, but that won't happen again. this i can promise. so yeah, please do give the second chance...

i realised that i'm quite a selfish person and i do not want to let go of those people dear to me. that's why i've never grown accustomed to all these leaving and partings. it might be a good thing as i think i do appreciate and cherish what i have, those people around me, especially the three i've mentioned. they're the greatest treasures that i could ever have. i feel quite emotional now and do indeed feel like crying...probably later.

i realised i'm not that uncaring after all. i still care for people. first and last time i'll invoke the name of a omnipotent being...Thank God you guys are in my life. rock on.

kudos to all...

this is my limit.

2005-10-10T18:00:00.000+08:00

dear blog,

i think i've reached my limit. i feel so tired, so exhausted...so...out of touch with myself. i feel that i don't know myself anymore. maybe i didn't even know myself in the first place. i don't know the people around me anymore. the people whom i thought knew me..but they actually didn't. the people whom i thought i knew..but i actually didn't.

i'm so sick of everything now, things that had happened, things that are happening and things that are going to/might happen in the possible future. if there is one for me, that is. i don't feel like i have a future, maybe i don't even have one in the first place. i don't know.

what can i do? what am i supposed to do? am i supposed to keep up with this facade? of being happy and smiling when i'm actually not, of being cheerful when i'm actually depressed, of thinking that things around me don't affect me when they actually do...

i'm very tired...tired of always taking the initiative...tired of always being there. when no one is there when i need it. my opinion is..there was never anyone there for me. fair or not, this is my opinion. no one will ever give me a call just to ask me how am i doing or if i'm alright. i'm the only one who does that. people only call me when they need someone to talk cock with or when they need help. a fool you can call me. a fool for caring so much and trying so hard when it all doesn't amount to anything or matter to anyone. its never appreciated. people say sorry but they don't mean it 'cause they still do the same thing again anyway.

people only come to me when they need help. what am i? a one stop help centre? and i know that even if they don't say it, i'll still offer my help anyway because you never know when it is really needed. and i believed that as long as i help someone, i should really give in all my best. guess i can't say that for other people. they help me when they can clearly see that i need help or when i ask for it. yet they do not give the full help or help half-assedly. harsh it may seem, judging people by my own standards but i'm human after all. i have a heart, a mind. i can also think and feel. i'm fallible, just like anyone. i understand that no one is perfect, and i also do not expect anyone to be perfect. yet when i make a mistake, i'm condemned forever when others are not.

what i had wished for, was just someone, anyone, who could tell whether i'm happy or not even without asking. offering their hand even when i did not ask for it. thinking in my shoes.

there wasn't one.

maybe i should stop offering help. since its never appreciated. i always thought that i should lend a helping to anyone in need because i never know when i need it myself. guess that's all bullshit. when i need it, everyone is too busy for me. self interest comes first after all i guess. the unbending law of nature. only losers like me lose out.

dear blog, i think i should just withdraw from all forms of social activity. after all, if i don't interact with people, nothing would happen, no feelings would be felt and i won't be like that now.

screw this world.

no wait, screw me.

signed,
your sad loser.

updates again....

2005-10-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

alright, i'm in the process of updating my blog. i've just added a winamp player BUT everyone else just can't seem to play it except me. i wonder why... shall try to work on it as soon as possible. =)

by the way, the current i'm playing is backstreet boy's "back to your heart". a seriously great song! i'm gonna abuse it and play it over and over again. hehehehehehehehehe.

dear blog.

2005-10-07T22:46:00.000+08:00

dear blog,

why am i such a sad loser? =(

signed,
your sad loser.

people nowadays...grrr.

2005-10-04T21:10:00.000+08:00

people nowadays seriously have no manners with which to call. probably this is why there is so much freaking debates about good service bad service blah blah blah. stupid singaporeans who just don't have the bloody sense to be even slightly courteous. is saying a simple "please" or "excuse me" so damn hard that should it ever be uttered from the mouths of these people, they'll die? or probably think they commit the greatest sin of being polite?

i just had a first hand experience of really how ill mannered these bastards/bitches are.

earlier just now, i messaged a friend to ask some stuff, in my usual way of teasing people, just to start off the message. what i got back, was quite a shock for me...a rude shock i must say.
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gene: hey you scolding me is it? i keep sneezing lehs...lol
+658102260: who the hell are you?
gene: uh..im eugene...you are?
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at this point, i was quite surprised to see the reply from this unknown number, one that i've never seen before in my life. and such was a reply i got back, although it was quite rude, still i did not retort back, but instead just replied back as above.
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+658102260: i asked who are you first
gene: i said i am eugene...=.=
+658102260: duno you. FUBA off.
gene: i dun even know you...=.=
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seriously what the hell is wrong with this person? he/she/it had to send such rude replies back to me, even though i didn't do a single shit to this person! i don't even know this person nor the number! crap, it put in a bad mood, along the way home i thought of numerous replies i could have sent back just to argue back, but i decided such a bastard/bitch/asshole did not deserve even my attention to argue back.

and do not think that i am afraid to post your goddamn number on my blog you sucker. you, for whoever you are, have seriously no manners to speak of, not a single shred of courtesy and above all, you are so freaking BLIND. i had apparently given you my name first, and you still asked me who i am. seriously, go CLEAN YOUR BLOODY SPECTACLES if you are wearing one. better yet, if you're not a bespectacled person, GO CHANGE YOUR GODDAMN EYEBALLS.

you're the bane and the shame of the singapore society.

sucky me

2005-10-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

yep. i suck. actually i already realised this a long time ago, just that i didn't pretty bother much about it. i seriously suck i guess, studied quite hard (i wont't say so hard since i could have studied harder) yet i got back sucky grades. it must have been my sucky mind, unable to absorb all the stuff that was taught..blah blah. sucky me + sucky mind = sucky grades.

plus i'm now having a sucky flu which i hope will go off by tomorrow because having a flu really sucks. i totally dislike getting flu and sore throats. they make your nose and throat suck like hell. crap, sore throats are suck so much that sometimes i just feel like cutting the goddamn throat. same with the nose.

don't know why, but i just feel like blogging this loh. i must be in a sucky mood, with a sucky atmosphere, sucky mentality and sucky what-have-yous. guess life can't pretty suck as much as now.

damn this sucky life. =(

signing off,
your royal suckiness.

the occasional dry spell.

2005-09-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

im currently having a blogger's block, can't find the inspiration to blog about anything! at the moment i guess...

probably been too caught up with studies and stuff, i guess i don't leave much time for myself do i? i'll try to get some self reflection time every now and then, hopefully this dry spell will pass on and i can blog more.

await for more new crap...i mean blogs..=)

cheerios!

back to your heart.

2005-09-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

man, i love those backstreet boys songs. i've been listening to them since they first came out with their first cd. and even now, i still find their songs super great. those sappy love songs. im a sucker for them. hehehehehehe. anyways, i've been recently playing this on loop over and over again. fits my melancholic mood that im having these days. haha...enjoy...

Back To Your Heart
(Kevin Richardson/Gary Baker/Jason Blume)

It's not that I can't live without you
It's just that I don't even want to try
Every night I dream about you
Ever since the day we said goodbye
If I wasn't such a fool
Right now I'd be holding you
There's nothin' that I wouldn't do
Baby if I only knew

Chorus
The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do
To get to you
And find a way back to your heart

I don't know how it got so crazy
But I'll do anything to set things right
'Cause your love is so amazing
Baby you're the best thing in my life
Let me prove my love is real
And made you feel the way I feel
I promise I would give the world
If only you would tell me girl

Chorus

Give me one more chance, to give my love to you
'Cause no one on this earth loves you like I do, tell me

Chorus

I turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart

Chorus

idiot's guide to dealing with people.

2005-09-25T19:06:00.000+08:00

i proudly present my idiot's guide to dealing with people. seriously, i realise that there are too many idiots running amok around, and hence i feel that there is a need to know how to deal with such people. of course there are many areas in which we find idiots in, but my main topic around this idiot's guide is about meeting ups, getting stood up and the likes.

i myself have been in situations where i get stood up. like today for example. thats why i want to blog about it. but it happened quite quickly and im not really sure why it happened so i shall not get angry over it...yet. that is until i find out more lah.

anyways here's the idiot's guide to dealing with people who stood you up

#1. don't get angry first.
#2. have a simple chat with the person ( or idiot) who stood you up. ask nicely why you got stood up. you never know, the person ( or idiot) may have a very good reason (or excuse) as to why he/she/it stood you up.
#3. put yourself in the other party's shoes. what would you do in his/her/it's situation? would you do the same thing? or would you do something more?
#4. after you talk the talk, the next step depends on what was the reason (or excuse) that you got.
#5. its always important to understand the other person (or idiot) because there are real cases where there is an emergency. as a prevention to misunderstandings, always take the first assumption, when you get stood up, as that the other person (or idiot) has an emergency on hand.
#6. if the reason was a real crap excuse, by all means, do what you want, get angry, show your temper. or one of my favourite methods, the silent treatment. just plainly ignore the person and his/her/it's further lame ass excuses and any other stupid shit explanations.
#7. however if it was a real emergency, be supportive of the person, and lend your help wherever possible, you never know how much a person's help to another can be. sometimes its godsend. furthermore, you never know when you need help from others.

a short guide that i've thought of just now. i just think that whilst its very important to think for others, its also equally important that others think for you as well. its not amusing to get stood up, for the wrong things. and apparently there are many, many, many idiots out there now, who fail to understand this point. that's damn sad in my opinion.

i don't think that anyone deserves another person to wait for him/her/it for so long. not even the president lah. do you know how bad and idiotic it feels to stand or sit in a place and keep waiting? its not fun or funny at all. i personally do not wait for people for more than an hour. if the person is late, that's too bad. i'll just leave without informing the other person. even if he/she/it comes 1 hour and 1 minute after the arranged meeting time, i'll still leave.

before any of you idiots come and flame me, think about whether you yourself would wait for 1 hour. i believe that 1 hour is generous enough a period of time spent waiting. i can do better things with this 1 hour rather than wait for the likes of idiots. but i chose to do so, today. hell, some of you asses out there wont even wait 30 minutes for your friends. so yeah, shut the hell up. unless you got some emergency or you are in a coma, tell the person who is waiting for you, not to wait for you anymore as you are unable to meet him/her/it at the last minute. do so as soon as possible. don't tell the person to wait a while for you, let the person wait 40 minutes then you this idiot come and say sorry that you can't meet up le.

lan cheow, ok?

some bitching.

2005-09-24T10:57:00.000+08:00

just want to bitch abit, since i've got nothing much to do now that prelims are just over.

seriously, the physics paper 2 was crap, quite hard i must say, make me end up just anyhow filling in the stupid blanks. i feel damn lousy after that lah. freak the paper.

also, im damn bored!! who's gonna ask me go out? probably no one..hai sians. my life sucks now. its bland, dead, dreary and uber boring.

school will continue as per norm next week, but i see my timetable, its even more crap. come for a stupid tutorial and lecture for both monday and friday and that's the end of school? a big load of bull if you ask me. i might as well don't go school for these two days. have a three day school week, as suggested by frede.hehehehehehe. i might consider that considerably though buddy ;).

ya and tons of other shit on my mind now, some i don't feel like blogging, some i don't know how to blog about it.

yeah, signing off here now.

shit this world.

i want...i need...

2005-09-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

being the lazy bugger that constitutes me, im back here to blog again. despite tmr having a paper. ok, at least i finished studying my notes twice. just had this inspiration to blog. its quite crap but just follow through if you want.

many times people always say that every other people have to many wants which do not necessarily correspond to what they need. this has resulted in too many, might i say, useless and redundant inventions, products, services and henceforth, the beginning of consumerism.

seriously, i think this is not necessarily as what these people say about those people. true, there are many fine occasions and examples where we can find concrete evidence that this is a fact. i do not disagree. but it also does not mean they're totally right in what they say. always two sides to a coin, if i were to comment.

there are times, when our wants do match what we need. to prove this, let me show you an example.

this is a short list of my personal wants. its longer but im just using this as an example you see.

Wants
#1. i want ... ....!
#2. i want my ear pierced! (to have that punk look)
#3. i want to dye my hair orange (same as #2)
#4. i want to cut a kwai lan hairstyle! (just so that the school disciplinary committee, and the school hair regulation committee, if there ever was one, would get a shock of their life and probably a heart failure as a bonus)
#5. i want to change my handphone! (its dying!)

now that that's done. here's a list of my personal needs. after much thought of course. i don't go around needing everything.

Needs
#1. i need ... ....!
#2. i need my ear pierced! (to complete my so-called punk look)
#3. i need to dye my hair orange (same as #2)
#4. i need to cut a kwai lan hairstyle! (just so that the school disciplinary committee, and the school hair regulation committee, if there ever was one, will get a shock of their life and hopefully a heart failure as a bonus)
#5. i need to change my handphone! (its dying on me. i just want to change it before it actually dies on me. at the same time, get a better phone.)

so now, there you go. a fine example to show you what we want does not always constitute that it is not what we need. some people, like me, have corresponding wants and needs. we know what we want and need exactly. ;)

disclaimer: the list of wants and needs are in no way fixed. they happened to be exactly the same. hehehehehehehe

woohoo.

2005-09-21T19:38:00.000+08:00

woohoo, tmr's the end of prelims. at least for me and those taking similar combinations. time for a short, short break, just before the final home run. good luck to those who still have their bio paper on friday, and that subject labelled as "EN". i never quite knew what that was. good luck because you have to endure another day of waiting just to take that paper.

i blog more tmr when i'm totally done with the prelims. got to go study more now. anyone wants to go out? call or message me alright?

anyways on a last note, do i really look that frigging young? comments please. =)

stupid lantern festival.

2005-09-16T22:15:00.000+08:00

stupid lantern festival. waste of my time. should be called lan-shit-tern festi-shit-val.

life.the road of discovery.

2005-09-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

yeah im back for a while. lazy bugger me trying to slack a while before getting back to hit the books. maybe i might. literally. anyways, i just wanted to blog something that i got inspired again while i was on my way home after studying. as you can see from the heading, its my opinion about life. afterall it remains as my opinion, so don't take it to heart.

life.this is a word that has got many stumped for centuries. i dare say so because even til now, philosophers, scientists, religions and people from all walks of life, example like me, are still debating about what life is.a simple word it may be, but underlying it is a whole new world of abstract thinking, views and arguments.

so what is life? religious faiths claim that life is a gift of God. the existence of a transcendent being who is omnipotent and omnipresent created this world we live in, us, and every single thing that is on earth. must be a pretty darn detailed architect/designer i must say.

scientists however claim that life began from the Big Bang. literally. the world got banged into place, as dust particles coalesce and form the various galaxies, stars, planets, comets and what-have-yous. the bacteria got banged onto earth where they start mutating..i mean evolving, growing more complex more intelligent..more everything.

philosophers...well the way they discuss life is pretty abstract, even for me, so i won't type about their kind of thinking, lest i write something wrong and embarrass myself.

however, all these i stated above, is not important to me and not what i wanted to type about (haha, got you there didn't i). my take is on the present. everywhere you go, you'd always hear about how life is hard, life is crap and people are suffering in their lives. true. i've always believed that life is indeed hard. life is a life sentence upon all of us. we live just so at the end of it, we die. simple as that. the health promotion board always say, eat healthy and proper food. the government encourages people to adopt healthy lifestyles by engaging in sports and yada yada. yeah yeah, whatever the case, as i would put it simply, eat right, exercise, die anyway.isn't this the case?

of course, i still do believe in it. unfortunately or fortunately, its up to you to decide. thats my view and i will keep it this way. however, i do realise that life is also slightly more than that. i don't mean the working, studying and other mumbo-jumbo. all these things, if seen from a bird's eye view, out-of-body view..whatever views, is trivial. its like the little stones we pick along the beach and we try to skim it across the water surface and see whether is can make how many bounces before it sinks.

life is a road of discovery. we discover things every single day. about our surroundings, about others, and more importantly about ourselves. there are so many discoveries we make and so many more waiting to be made. the number is staggering. i've always asked myself questions like "why am i here for? to study? to know and get girlfriends? what am i doing?" all these stuff. through these, i tend to think alot and i try to give myself answers where i can. and of course, i discover things about myself that i never noticed before.

everyday, i discover myself in various ways, in some ways a bastard, in other ways abnormal etc. the things that we do or occur in our life have an impact, if we just pay more attention to it. i think this is amazing because it helps me to relate to myself, sometimes i ask myself why am i such a bastard for the things i do, of course, sometimes i do do good stuff, even if i do say so myself.

i think there is only one word to explain it. change.

change is constant. the only constant thing is change. sounds cliche but yeah you get the point. through change we discover ourselves. we even make new discoveries about ourselves. at some point in life, you'll be thinking why are you like that the way you are now when you weren't like this before. maybe now you're dumb when you aren't last time or you're handsome or cute now (like me) if you weren't last time (not like me)...you get the idea.

such an integral part of our lives is the concept of change that we structure our lives..no we condition ourselves to change. we discovered change, and we change to discover. it is a driving force that keeps us on our toes, on our never ending journey on this road of discovery that we call life, at least until we stop and die lah.

away from blog

2005-09-10T00:03:00.000+08:00

i realised i have not been blogging these days. probably have a blogger's blog, oops i mean a blogger's block or something. anyways i will be away from blog for a next couple of weeks. prelims are coming, gotta pia and study hard man. same goes to all those taking prelims soon. study hard. take care and good luck. may the (work x distance) be with you.

cheerios

food for thought.

2005-09-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

i was wondering about the A levels today, like why am i studying so hard for the A levels and stuff (of course the answer is to proceed to the university). i happened to think about other stuff like the university of cambridge. as we all know, we take exams that are from the UCLES, or in other words the University of Cambridge Local Examinations Syndicate. both for the O levels and the A levels.

according to dictionary.com, a syndicate is defined as "An association of people or firms authorized to undertake a duty or transact specific business" or also "An association of people or firms formed to engage in an enterprise or promote a common interest" . however, a syndicate can also be defined as "A loose affiliation of gangsters in control of organized criminal activities". this makes me wonder sometimes what is cambridge up to.

but to be honest, calling them a group of criminals is too harsh a term, even for them. more accurately, i prefer calling them problem makers (pun intended). they love to give us problems to solve, in mathematics, physics, chemistry and whatever problem solving subjects available (no, chinese is NOT a problem solving subject). of course this is natural, as it is part of their job. they're paid by our government to give us problems (again, pun intended). maybe they love doing it, im not sure.

so why do i say they're problems makers? you see, the problems we get not only exist in those papers that we take in order to "gauge" our proficiency in the particular subject (more like a gauge of how much brain power or rather how much brain enhancing pills we took), but also exist in real life too. the problems comes in all shapes and sizes. most noticeably, is the stress that it gives to students like you and me. maybe more of me, im not exactly smart you see. now, that is a real problem because stress in us manifests itself in various forms. it causes some people to start muttering to themselves, some people to start talking unintelligibly, usually hearing many foreign terms like pi, pico, nano and all sorts of mumbo-jumbo, some people to break down and more.

the more serious problems are like kids who attempt suicide, usually successful ones i might say, due to the fact that they couldn't cope with the pace of studying or the workload that is dumped on top of them. wow, actually the more i say, the more it sounds like cambridge is a organization of terrorists who attack this black-dot-on-the-global-map (need i say more) with somewhat unique and different methods. methods which are meant to destabilise the society, trying to break it down causing the people to kill themselves due to stress and such. man, they don't even need to risk their lives to blow themselves up just to blow up more people or property. all they need to do is just give us problem solving papers and kids will start jumping off buildings or anywhere they can jump off. what a great and ingenious move, if the kids die out, then this black-dot-on-the-global-map will die eventually because there won't be any young generations left to propagate and continue the survival of the country.

that's awesome. seriously some food for thought.

ps: these are just my crap views. please do not go around spreading and saying that this is the truth.

cheerios.

walking upon memory lane.

2005-09-04T20:24:00.000+08:00

as i just finished my dinner now, i realised how fast time passes, not only for me but for everyone else as well. in a blink of an eye, im right here with the prelims almost at the doorsteps and the A levels not far behind. that's really fast, and after that it'll be another chapter in my life, another turning point, another new experience.

so i thought back a little about myself when i was just a scrawny little runt. happy-go-lucky, having the fun of my life every single day, fascinated by everything, even simple things playing with ants or just playing with toys. i was just unperturbed by the world around me and i lived in my own world of fun, laughter and joy.

i remember the times when i went out with my parents. those trips were by far, few and rare and it was an outing to look forward to as i would pester them for new toys, heheheheheh. but it was also an outing to look forward to as i could go out and have fun, see new things which i would have never ever imagined possible (at that age of course, who would think of stuff like continum transfunctioner?).

i remember the times i spent playing with all my other kiddo friends, some of whom i still keep in contact until now (wow, my kiddo brain can actually remember them). we would play at the nearby playground, or at the sand pit and just basically have fun playing like what every other kid does. now when i see these friends along the road when im out, some looks so different...so grown up and stuff, brings back some nostalgic feelings as well as melancholy, of a time that has passed so long ago and would never come back.

i also remember how childish i was as a scrawny little runt. i used to like doodling on faces in the newspapers, usually faces of celebrities, maybe the occasional minister, but yes celebrities are much more interesting. with just a marker in hand, it served as a tool to past time for me and my friends as we doodled and laughed together at our hilarious works. now when you see kids doing it, we just think "kids these days, vandalising at such a young age" when we ourselves are a mirror image of them at that age. probably this must be the so called grown-up kind of thinking. (i prefer to call it the adult conspiracy)

some other things i enjoyed doing were like looking at the obituary section of the newspapers with my friends and laugh at how ugly/silly/stupid looking those people in there were. call me sadist. call me stupid and insensitive to the feelings of others. its true that i am, now that i look back at it. and silly of me too. but i still think some in there look ugly/stupid/silly.

time was something that i did not think of when i was young. i believed i had all the time in the world. and because of such a mentality, i did things which i know i shouldn't do but did it anyway. of course most were harmless little things, but some, really changed my life, the way i lead my life, my thoughts and my whole being. they really impacted me that much (i can't recall which ones, there are quite alot). i don't want to say that if i could go back in time, i would not do those things. no. i believe that every man is responsible for his actions, his speech, and himself. i appreciated that those things came, because they make me who i am now, good and bad. how people want to judge me, pass their comments or views on me, is none of my business.

right now, i just want to say i love everyone who is in my life, irregardless of whether you made a significant impact on me or not. i still love those who left my life, and these people sum up to quite a big number. the pains of separation and leaving is inevitable. it is a part of growing up. i understand this fact, yet my heart has never grown accustomed to it. in fact, as the older i become and the more i understand of this unchanging fact, the greater the feeling i have in my heart when it occurs. really tears me apart, and i feel so helpless. a great big thank you to those in my life now or at some point in time. thanks for the lessons, big or small, for they are what make and break me. i also want to say "i love you" to many many people. there's too many so i'll just not name them. many of these people i love do not know so because i do not show it to them, some being very close to me. its not that i don't want to show, i do not know how to. sorry, thank you and i love you.