this is my limit.
dear blog,
i think i've reached my limit. i feel so tired, so exhausted...so...out of touch with myself. i feel that i don't know myself anymore. maybe i didn't even know myself in the first place. i don't know the people around me anymore. the people whom i thought knew me..but they actually didn't. the people whom i thought i knew..but i actually didn't.
i'm so sick of everything now, things that had happened, things that are happening and things that are going to/might happen in the possible future. if there is one for me, that is. i don't feel like i have a future, maybe i don't even have one in the first place. i don't know.
what can i do? what am i supposed to do? am i supposed to keep up with this facade? of being happy and smiling when i'm actually not, of being cheerful when i'm actually depressed, of thinking that things around me don't affect me when they actually do...
i'm very tired...tired of always taking the initiative...tired of always being there. when no one is there when i need it. my opinion is..there was never anyone there for me. fair or not, this is my opinion. no one will ever give me a call just to ask me how am i doing or if i'm alright. i'm the only one who does that. people only call me when they need someone to talk cock with or when they need help. a fool you can call me. a fool for caring so much and trying so hard when it all doesn't amount to anything or matter to anyone. its never appreciated. people say sorry but they don't mean it 'cause they still do the same thing again anyway.
people only come to me when they need help. what am i? a one stop help centre? and i know that even if they don't say it, i'll still offer my help anyway because you never know when it is really needed. and i believed that as long as i help someone, i should really give in all my best. guess i can't say that for other people. they help me when they can clearly see that i need help or when i ask for it. yet they do not give the full help or help half-assedly. harsh it may seem, judging people by my own standards but i'm human after all. i have a heart, a mind. i can also think and feel. i'm fallible, just like anyone. i understand that no one is perfect, and i also do not expect anyone to be perfect. yet when i make a mistake, i'm condemned forever when others are not.
what i had wished for, was just someone, anyone, who could tell whether i'm happy or not even without asking. offering their hand even when i did not ask for it. thinking in my shoes.
there wasn't one.
maybe i should stop offering help. since its never appreciated. i always thought that i should lend a helping to anyone in need because i never know when i need it myself. guess that's all bullshit. when i need it, everyone is too busy for me. self interest comes first after all i guess. the unbending law of nature. only losers like me lose out.
dear blog, i think i should just withdraw from all forms of social activity. after all, if i don't interact with people, nothing would happen, no feelings would be felt and i won't be like that now.
screw this world.
no wait, screw me.
signed,
your sad loser.
i think i've reached my limit. i feel so tired, so exhausted...so...out of touch with myself. i feel that i don't know myself anymore. maybe i didn't even know myself in the first place. i don't know the people around me anymore. the people whom i thought knew me..but they actually didn't. the people whom i thought i knew..but i actually didn't.
i'm so sick of everything now, things that had happened, things that are happening and things that are going to/might happen in the possible future. if there is one for me, that is. i don't feel like i have a future, maybe i don't even have one in the first place. i don't know.
what can i do? what am i supposed to do? am i supposed to keep up with this facade? of being happy and smiling when i'm actually not, of being cheerful when i'm actually depressed, of thinking that things around me don't affect me when they actually do...
i'm very tired...tired of always taking the initiative...tired of always being there. when no one is there when i need it. my opinion is..there was never anyone there for me. fair or not, this is my opinion. no one will ever give me a call just to ask me how am i doing or if i'm alright. i'm the only one who does that. people only call me when they need someone to talk cock with or when they need help. a fool you can call me. a fool for caring so much and trying so hard when it all doesn't amount to anything or matter to anyone. its never appreciated. people say sorry but they don't mean it 'cause they still do the same thing again anyway.
people only come to me when they need help. what am i? a one stop help centre? and i know that even if they don't say it, i'll still offer my help anyway because you never know when it is really needed. and i believed that as long as i help someone, i should really give in all my best. guess i can't say that for other people. they help me when they can clearly see that i need help or when i ask for it. yet they do not give the full help or help half-assedly. harsh it may seem, judging people by my own standards but i'm human after all. i have a heart, a mind. i can also think and feel. i'm fallible, just like anyone. i understand that no one is perfect, and i also do not expect anyone to be perfect. yet when i make a mistake, i'm condemned forever when others are not.
what i had wished for, was just someone, anyone, who could tell whether i'm happy or not even without asking. offering their hand even when i did not ask for it. thinking in my shoes.
there wasn't one.
maybe i should stop offering help. since its never appreciated. i always thought that i should lend a helping to anyone in need because i never know when i need it myself. guess that's all bullshit. when i need it, everyone is too busy for me. self interest comes first after all i guess. the unbending law of nature. only losers like me lose out.
dear blog, i think i should just withdraw from all forms of social activity. after all, if i don't interact with people, nothing would happen, no feelings would be felt and i won't be like that now.
screw this world.
no wait, screw me.
signed,
your sad loser.
posted by g.3ne at 6:00 PM
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