walking upon memory lane.

as i just finished my dinner now, i realised how fast time passes, not only for me but for everyone else as well. in a blink of an eye, im right here with the prelims almost at the doorsteps and the A levels not far behind. that's really fast, and after that it'll be another chapter in my life, another turning point, another new experience.

so i thought back a little about myself when i was just a scrawny little runt. happy-go-lucky, having the fun of my life every single day, fascinated by everything, even simple things playing with ants or just playing with toys. i was just unperturbed by the world around me and i lived in my own world of fun, laughter and joy.

i remember the times when i went out with my parents. those trips were by far, few and rare and it was an outing to look forward to as i would pester them for new toys, heheheheheh. but it was also an outing to look forward to as i could go out and have fun, see new things which i would have never ever imagined possible (at that age of course, who would think of stuff like continum transfunctioner?).

i remember the times i spent playing with all my other kiddo friends, some of whom i still keep in contact until now (wow, my kiddo brain can actually remember them). we would play at the nearby playground, or at the sand pit and just basically have fun playing like what every other kid does. now when i see these friends along the road when im out, some looks so different...so grown up and stuff, brings back some nostalgic feelings as well as melancholy, of a time that has passed so long ago and would never come back.

i also remember how childish i was as a scrawny little runt. i used to like doodling on faces in the newspapers, usually faces of celebrities, maybe the occasional minister, but yes celebrities are much more interesting. with just a marker in hand, it served as a tool to past time for me and my friends as we doodled and laughed together at our hilarious works. now when you see kids doing it, we just think "kids these days, vandalising at such a young age" when we ourselves are a mirror image of them at that age. probably this must be the so called grown-up kind of thinking. (i prefer to call it the adult conspiracy)

some other things i enjoyed doing were like looking at the obituary section of the newspapers with my friends and laugh at how ugly/silly/stupid looking those people in there were. call me sadist. call me stupid and insensitive to the feelings of others. its true that i am, now that i look back at it. and silly of me too. but i still think some in there look ugly/stupid/silly.

time was something that i did not think of when i was young. i believed i had all the time in the world. and because of such a mentality, i did things which i know i shouldn't do but did it anyway. of course most were harmless little things, but some, really changed my life, the way i lead my life, my thoughts and my whole being. they really impacted me that much (i can't recall which ones, there are quite alot). i don't want to say that if i could go back in time, i would not do those things. no. i believe that every man is responsible for his actions, his speech, and himself. i appreciated that those things came, because they make me who i am now, good and bad. how people want to judge me, pass their comments or views on me, is none of my business.

right now, i just want to say i love everyone who is in my life, irregardless of whether you made a significant impact on me or not. i still love those who left my life, and these people sum up to quite a big number. the pains of separation and leaving is inevitable. it is a part of growing up. i understand this fact, yet my heart has never grown accustomed to it. in fact, as the older i become and the more i understand of this unchanging fact, the greater the feeling i have in my heart when it occurs. really tears me apart, and i feel so helpless. a great big thank you to those in my life now or at some point in time. thanks for the lessons, big or small, for they are what make and break me. i also want to say "i love you" to many many people. there's too many so i'll just not name them. many of these people i love do not know so because i do not show it to them, some being very close to me. its not that i don't want to show, i do not know how to. sorry, thank you and i love you.