the unspoken words.

i am moody once again.

i am moody because tomorrow is coming.

tomorrow is a special day, one that is not spelt out explicitly.

tomorrow is the last day of my junior college days.

its marks another significant chapter in my life. and soon a new one would have to open. i am sad, because i realise that, in spite of all the things i say about how i dislike school, how i hated studying, my heart does not agree. i realised that i actually would miss school, more importantly, i would miss everyone that i've known throughout this two short years, for some, this one short year.

such events are never said out publicly, but deep in my heart, it really means alot to me. it means that i would not be able to see my friends as freely as i would want to because we would all be going away. i know such leaving and partings are part and parcel of life and that we all would have to accept this inevitable fact. but i have never grown accustomed to leaving and i don't think i will ever grow accustom to it.

back in my last days of secondary school, i felt the same way as i feel right here, right now. but that wasn't much to compare with what i am feeling now. in secondary school, the friends, the people that i came to interact with, was considered quite minimal since the school system then was that we students are based in a classroom where our different subject teachers would come in for their respective lessons. different it is for junior college. there was a whole lot more of interaction, of getting to know people and people knowing you. there were many, many events and activities that encouraged such a trend. and to me, the more people that i came to know, the more painful and sad it is to have to accept that i would be, or rather, they would be leaving me. some i might not see them forever.

as i am typing this at this moment, my eyes are shedding tears, my heart is screaming silently, asking why do i have to go through this. i was once told that i was too sensitive, for a guy. i agree, yet it is this sensitivity that i have that allows me to really appreciate those around me, those who gave me your friendship and love, those who i call friends.

i just want to thank everyone for being a part of my life, being a part of my time spent in JJC. it was certainly the best moment of my life yet. and yet it is also the worse moment of my life yet. i just don't know how to deal with this sense of loss, i feel so helpless, knowing that i cannot do anything about it. there are definitely friendships forged that i really do want to keep, forever. for the rest of my life.

right now, i want to thank some people for their presence.

thank you mdm chee, for teaching me physics, although there are times when i don't really know what you are saying.

thank you mdm goh, for being a wonderful maths tutor throughout the year.

thank you ms pereira, for always putting me down because you wanted to push me forward, to be a better person as well as improving my GP.

thank you mr azmi, for being a great chemistry and civics tutor, always teaching me patiently and always tolerating my unruly hairstyle.

thank you 04S24 for a wonderful first year in JJC, i really enjoyed my time with you guys, although i'm not in the same class anymore, i have never forgotten about you people there. rock on.

thank you 04S11, john, hsiang fa, kok yen, zheng ning, jing kai, sihui, shirlyn, qing rong, siew yin, karen, shu hui, pei yan, nurul, hwee li, chee kiang, jason, deanic, wan hui, sam, mao, sharon, allan, and even guang rong, its was really a wonderful one year spent, for some two years, and i really got along very well with all of you. thank you very much.

thank you 24th student's council, for i've learnt alot from not only the councillors, but the teachers as well, especially Simon. thanks for the lessons taught and i will never forget them.

thank you to the remnants of 4/1 2003 who came to JJC, for still rocking on in the same college.

thank you to everyone that i know, and those that knows me. there's just too many of you, i can't name everyone down. it was a great pleasure knowing all of you.

and then there's three.

three unique and special people, whom i've never, ever and will never ever regret knowing. you really made a huge impact in my life. usually i don't name names on my blog, but this time, i don't really care.

firstly, Frede, my brother/buddy/si dang. i really want to salute you from the bottom of my heart. you're one great brother for the past 6 years and counting. you were someone that i developed such a strong friendship with. its really stunning, as you would put it. we've never argued before because you and i believe in compromising. you're really one hell of a guy, sweet and gentle natured and so well liked and loved by everyone around you. thanks for being my brother. i am honoured to be considered yours. yet at the same time, because of our strong brotherhood, there are times when i really felt devastated when we talked about the future. you did say before you might return to malaysia and continue from there. i was very distraught by that yet i did not tell you because you had your own life. i didn't have any right to stop you living the way you want to. i'm just very afraid that we might never see each other again and that's what that hurts me the most, more than anything else that you have done.

secondly, to a really special friend that i've only known for barely a year. her name is Leena. a quirky girl, with a great sense of humour as well as a great deal of love for her friends. i only got to know you this year and i can only say that i regret not knowing you even earlier because you have become such an important person, such an important friend that without your presence, my life would have been totally different. thanks for all the fun and laughter that we've shared and i'm really sorry for the arguments that i had with you, for the times you had to put up with my stupid attitude, stubborn-ness and all the crap that i gave you. despite knowing you for only a year, i feel that i want to consider you as one of my closest friend, or best friend you may call. after tomorrow, i won't ever sit at my spot at the pillar again. i won't ever disturb you in the morning again, laughing and joking with you, sometimes across all the tables. many things have happened this past two weeks, and to me, i could sense a change in our friendship. i did tell you about it before, that i felt that you've changed. you don't seem to want to talk to me anymore, nor be interested in joking and fooling around with me. i say this because i really treasure the friendship that we have, and such changes seem to signal an end to our friendship.to me, you've changed, and i do miss the old you. maybe i think too much. you have your own life as well, and you live it the way you want, i don't have the right to interfere. i've just wondered if you ever felt the same way as i do now? it does hurt to see the way things are now. i think you know what i mean...if not you can come ask me. really thank you alot. i want to keep this platonic friendship forever. i want to believe that a guy and a girl can stay as best friends. that's what i've considered you now. and i wonder...do you think the same too?

thirdly and definitely not the least, another special girl, Siqi. of course i believe what i say now does not really make much of a difference to you. but i also want to say that i also regret not knowing you earlier as well. you're really a very different girl from all others that i've known, at least in my life. and that's what make you special to me. to me, your presence indeed is another great impact in my life, in the short time that i've known you. despite what you say, i still strongly feel that its worth all this effort to keep on trying and trying.being of this age, what is worth the effort and what is not, i believe i can tell the difference. i just hope that you forget about the past and give me another chance. like i said, it'll be different this time, and i really, really do not hope that you'll have reservations towards me, like now. i'm trying hard to change things and i really do want to change the way things are now. so yeah, do give the second chance. things can be different if you do not be so reserved towards me, stop thinking about last time and stop avoiding me. i do not deny that i've did you wrong before, but that won't happen again. this i can promise. so yeah, please do give the second chance...

i realised that i'm quite a selfish person and i do not want to let go of those people dear to me. that's why i've never grown accustomed to all these leaving and partings. it might be a good thing as i think i do appreciate and cherish what i have, those people around me, especially the three i've mentioned. they're the greatest treasures that i could ever have. i feel quite emotional now and do indeed feel like crying...probably later.

i realised i'm not that uncaring after all. i still care for people. first and last time i'll invoke the name of a omnipotent being...Thank God you guys are in my life. rock on.

kudos to all...