A rock seems to have been lifted over my shoulders and I feel pretty light and happier now. ORD's coming in one month and two and a half weeks' time. I got to buck up and start thinking what to do about this life which has stagnated and has kind of rot for the past one odd years.

First off, of course, is to get a job after my service ends. Anyone has good job offers? Please do let me know and yes this is an outright advertisement myself. hehehe. Money ain't the most important thing in the world but it sure ranks up there as one of the most important and useful tools to keep handy. It makes the world go round, square, whatever shape you want it to be and whatever way you want it to spin.

Second is to live happier when my life's rusty gears kickstart soon. New goals, new resolutions will be thought up as I move along. There are many more new people out there waiting to befriend, new things to try, new things to learn.

That said, I definitely still want to hang out with all my close buddies and friends and we will still have more fun together. Please don't forget me when you guys get your girlfriends and boyfriends alright! Don't make me sad! Call me out to chillax, to have fun and anything.

Looking at the way things are now, I mean life can only get better and happier...right?

*fingers crossed.

I woke up one morning, expecting life to be the way it was as it usually was. I was wrong. What I was familiar with and what I am seeing contrasts so much I wonder if I was living the correct life at all. It was like a gust of cold wind in the December morning that wakes you up to reality's cold, harsh embrace.

I feel unnatural these days, like something somewhere in my life has gone out of sync with the rest. Such a feeling is uncomfortable and not the least welcomed at all. It feels like a hammering sensation; someone pounding my chest with hard and dull strikes.

It aches really. Everywhere I go and everything I do, the feeling is there; persistent and insistent that I give it some attention. I try hard to resist it and not think about it, but honestly who am I kidding? I know what's the underlying cause of it although my mind tries not to believe so. It's a case of heart versus mind. Such an amazing organ the heart is, whose primary function is only to beat yet feel the ache, as if it was hurting itself with every beat it makes.

Give me my life back.






Mandy, I'm extremely sorry that I made you worry and feel stressed about me, although I'm supposed to be the one whom this should least happen to. I really am sorry and feel bad about it. I can't stop feeling helpless and weak. Sorry.

I am chatting with Clare, and I really was made to realise that..I post really stupid stuff. gosh. I feel that while other people blog about the activities they do or about what the different happening things that come across them, I don't.

I don't find the joy in doing that, it is so...mundane. If people who read my stuff carefully, you realise that many are random musings, thoughts and whatever my mind conceives at the point of typing. Like right now.

It is, I must say, not the most well articulated posts and neither are they really interesting. But at the very least, they are genuine and closest to what are my most raw thoughts.

To put it positively, this is my individuality.






On the other hand, to put it negatively, it might mean I'm pretty schizophrenic.

damn.