recently i think i've been hitting my downtime. that all time low point on the graph of my sad life. probably the lowest yet. im not sure. everything just seems so wrong today. probably must be teacher's day is coming. clashes with the genes in my body; anti-teachers genes. and now im going haywire.
breakdown of today:
woke up in the morning around 9, already felt like shit, could feel an imminent sore throat. category 5. the kind that devastates your entire swallowing mechanism. feels like someone's sadistically rubbing sandpaper when i try to swallow. sore throats are the bane of my existence. they serve to, an anti-g.3ne device if i can put it that way. sad life i have. neck was kinda stiff too, as if someone braced my neck while i was asleep. maybe aliens did it.
was slacking around, since i wasn't feeling well, so i conveniently slept longer and conveniently skipped school. haha psycho tay must be waiting for me at the assembly grounds to check my hair. haha. i must be the most popular/sought after boy in jj now. almost every teacher is after me for my hair.
went back to sec school just to see some friends. ok, ms chua too, although she still is quite plump.overall looks the same though. but she is a nice teacher, despite all the comments i give her, hehe. seems like almost every teacher that taught me has more or less left the school. well, it wasn't doing really well these days anyways. so yeah whatever.
after that went studying with darius and frede. seriously haven't seen darius for a long, long long time. i miss him quite a bit though. haha sounds gay yeah but who cares? friends are important man. looks changed, but i can safely say that the feelings have not changed over the years. miss you loads buddy. =)
by now, i was seriously not feeling very well, everything just sucks. the weather, my neck, my throat, the surroundings..everything. heck probably my karma sucked too. just for this day. a herald to teacher's day? such a wrong day to do something that's really wrong too; studying! my god, everyone's like playing or slacking today and im whiling my time away in the library studying. even chong wei is at home playing games during his prelims period. godly guy.
hai. today sucks. even though its not a monday. must be either my karma sucked or im affected by others' sucky karma OR teacher's day must be coming. im guessing its a power combination of all three.hope my days are numbering. sucky me =(
something interesting came to my mind today and i decided to blog about it before i forgot.
it seems that most guys, i say most because from what i observe it does not involve all guys, like to shake when they're doing something. and by shaking i mean shaking a certain part(s) of their body, not their whole body in general. for example, shaking their legs, their hands, head or whatever bodily orifices that they can shake. probably many have observed this but probably did not give much thought to it because most guys do it, so it comes across as normal (you know, the warped logic where if a person does something out of ordinary, its weird but if many people do it, its considered normal). i, however, am quite interested in this natural phenomenon.
i thought about this because i happen to fall under this normal distribution graph where the majority of the guys happen to shake. yes, you did not read this wrongly. i, for one, fall victim to body-shaking phenomenon. as i thought about it, many questions start to come to my mind. is this a natural behavior? or is it something that we've been conditioned to do? why do guys do this, and for the record, certain girls? this are just some of the many questions that i thought about.
seriously i don't see the implications that shaking (usually of the legs) causes in our life. its not like if i don't shake my leg, i'd die from it or if i don't shake my leg, my other bodily orifices would start shaking on its own. the more i thought, some parts just fall into place, yet in return it brings more questions that i have to answer.
firstly, no i do not think it is a conditioned behavior, because we weren't forced to shake. who in their right mind would want to force us to shake? and for whatever goddamn reason? so i conclude that this should be a natural behavior, one that we learnt inherently, since there just isn't any external factors that i can attribute this shaking to.
second, another question that i thought of was, why guys and not girls? well, i don't really have an answer to this, but im guessing that the shaking movement seems to bring comfort and calm us down. a sort of a calm-inducer, if you can call it that way. this, of course is from my personal experience because i do indeed feel more relaxed, more calm...more shiok. i also think by shaking, it helps us to achieve a greater level of focus-ness, because from my own experience, as well as what i had observed, guys tend to shake when they're engage in doing something that requires thinking, say doing homework, studying/revising, reading or even playing games. i don't expect you would see a guy playing sports yet shaking at the same time do you? that would be both obscenely weird and hilarious.
third, just to contradict my second thought a bitgirls do indeed shake! but a very small minority though. so, this led to my think, is it the cause of hormones that most guys shake and most girls don't? truly, if this is the case, then it must be some sort of breakthrough in the research of hormones; imagine hormones that induce us to shake! also, we must then consider the fact that some guys do not shake and some girls do shake. referring to my earlier statement about hormones (im guessing only, its not true or valid!), then it would mean that these guys [that don't shake] possess more female hormones than the normal level in their body while these girls [that shake] possess more male hormones than the normal level in their body.thus the start of gays and lesbians?
haha. well, i have to think more about this. meanwhile feel free to share your comments on this. and btw, happy teacher's day to all teachers who deserve it. cheerios to those who do and no kudos to those who don't. have a nice day =)
i is thinking i is losing it. i is don't know why but i is guessing it is due to the stress that i is facing now. stupid prelims. well i is just gotta learn to cope with it ba. =)
frede too. you is have to learn how to cope with your studies and don't go crazy before i is crazy. haha. btw i is read your post. you is hired!
today is a good day. i went studying with frede, simyee and sarah, the usual four of us. i is the first to reach the mac we is usually go to study (as usual). and there is this mac staff (girl of course, i don't know who, so don't ask) who kept glancing at me. according to simyee and sarah. i is quite paiseh about it but don't really care about it. anyways i and frede is cheeky and also disturbed them quite abit. haha. i swear when we left the mac they is laughing and smiling at the four of us. at me more precisely. again according to simyee and sarah. =.= all in all, today is a fruitful studying day. =)
i is thinking i will be blogging these few days. prelims are nearing, gotta concentrate even more now. i'll try to blog whenever something comes to my mind. =)
yep, here's the second song that i'd like to share. i find this song especially meaningful as well (certain parts of the lyrics) and kind of like believe in it la. sounds corny. yeah but i dont' care. haha. just think that many a time, we tend to give up too easily on the goals and tasks ahead of us when the obstacles that separates us from our goals seem insurmountable. even i'm not an exception to this. after all no man is infallible. yet, i believe that no matter how hard the road is, don't give up. you'll never know what will happen unless you really try for it. cheers.
Good Charlotte - Hold On
This world, this world is cold But you don’t, you don’t have to go You’re feeling sad you’re feeling lonely And no one seems to care Your mother’s gone and your father hits you This pain you cannot bear But we all bleed the same way as you do We all have the same things to go through Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Your days you say they’re way too long And your nights you can’t sleep at all (hold on) And you’re not sure what you’re waiting for But you don’t want to no more And you’re not sure what you’re looking for But you don’t want to no more But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer Don’t stop searching it’s not over...hold on What are you looking for? What are you waiting for? Do you know what you’re doing to me? Go ahead...what are you waiting for? Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer Don’t stop searching it’s not over... Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on
well this has been on my thoughts for the past few weeks. i've witnessed many fights between friends. been through it myself personally. this song kinda conveys what i want to say to friends who argued and aren't talking to each other. how many a time when both parties refuse to make the first move to resolve an argument and a beautiful friendship ends there. thats damn sad to me la. a real friendship will stand the trials of time and hardship. enjoy. =)
Good Charlotte - Say Anything
Here I am on The phone again and Awkward silence is On the other end
I used to know The sound of a smile In your voice But right now All I feel Is the pain of the fighting Starting up again
All the things we talk about You know they stay on my mind (on my mind) All the things we laugh about They'll bring us through it every time (after time, after time)
Don't say a word I know you feel the same Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything Please don't walk away I know you want to stay Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything
Some say that Time changes Best friends can Become strangers But I don't want that No not for you If you just stay with me We can make it through
So here we are again Same old arguement And now I'm wondering If things'll ever change, yeah
When will you laugh again? Laugh like you did back when We made noise till 3 am And the neighbors would complain All the things we talk about You know they stay on my mind (on my mind) All the things we laugh about They'll bring us through it every time (after time, after time)
Don't say a word I know you feel the same Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything Please don't walk away I know you want to stay Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything
I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin' down I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin' down Down, down, down
Don't say a word I know you feel the same Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything Please don't walk away I know you want to stay Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything
(Please) Don't say a word I know you feel the same (don't leave) Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything (Please) Please don't walk away I know you want to stay (don't leave) Just give me a sign Say anything, say anything
its been an eventful weekend. everything happened so fast and furious. seems like everything's changed and will never be the same. hai. guess its all my fault. stupid me. flaring up again when i promised myself not to. what a loser. the things that happened, guess i can safely say its all my fault. sorry to those involved. didn't mean to do those things i do, yet i did.
guess the stress is getting to me ba. the study pace's increased, the number of tests, mock exams have increased to. kinda pissed with the teachers since at the start of the year they're like so laidback. and now that its nearing the prelims and As, they start rushing out tests, exams and whatever shit they can do. my tutor hasn't even finished the damn physics syllabus. still going on strong with her fairy-like manner of talking. seriously by the time she's finished, i think the cows have already come home and we would have finished the As. ah well, i just have to work harder on my own. gambatte to all muggers out there. hang in there. i'll try to myself.
"Learn to love the people who are with you at present. Forget the people in the past and thank them for hurting you, which led you to love the people you have right now. When you love someone, you'll do crazy things you can't explain, you'll deny the truth and believe in lies. When you love someone, you sacrifice,give everything you've got and don't think twice. You risk it all no matter what. Everything in life is temporary because everything changes. That is why it takes courage to love,knowing it might end anytime...having faith will make it last. Friends are not the one who laugh when you laugh and cry when you cry. They are the ones who make you laugh and stop you from crying. Love is the feeling we fall in and out of, and everytime we fall off, we learn to hold on tighter...hoping that next time, we may never have to let go. They say when love knocks at your door, open it.But do you know that sometimes love enters through the back door and before you begin to notice it, it's on it's way out. Have you ever loved only to let it go?.. Have you ever hated someone and loved him so?.. Have you ever missed someone so bad it made you cry?.. Have you ever seen someone left alone without knowing why? .. True: Lucky is the man who wins the first love ofa woman but luckier is the woman who wins the last love of a man. Love is not the right word to say when you feel guilty nor the right word to say when you like a person but love really matters when we share our thoughts, our minds, and our hearts... Life has a way of changing things but not the joy that friendship brings, for friendship is like the shining moon, makes each night a brighter one. Love is not for beauty or color of the skin, but for a heart that is loyal within, for beauty fades and the skin would grow old but a heart that is loyal will never turn cold. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. A love is easy to feel, so hard to explain; so easyto get, so hard to let go; so easy to spell, so hard to define...and yet everyone is still taking the risk. That's love ! We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in love in mutual weirdness and call it LOVE! Never be afraid to fall in love. It may hurt a lot, it may give you aches and pain, but if you don't follow your heart; in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance. If someone loves you, love them back not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you have never seen or felt without them. The past is meant to be used as a tool for the future. Bad experiences indeed make you bitter but the lessons learned should make you better. On letting go: it hurts to see someone you love happy with somebody else; but wouldn't it hurt you more to see that person unhappy...with you? When you find arms that will hold you at your weakest, eyes that will see you at your ugliest,lips that will kiss you in both instances, and a heart that will love you at your worst, then you have found true love. Someday, someone might come into your life and love you in a way you always wanted. If your someday was yesterday.. LEARN If your someday is tomorrow.. HOPE If your someday is today.. CHERISH."
many people always say sorry seems to be the hardest word to utter from the mouth. i beg to differ. in fact sorry seems to be the easiest word to me. im not sure why either. however there are some people (important ones) who had ever told me that saying too many sorrys makes it lose its meaning. does it? im not sure too. growing up in a predominantly female family has brought me up to view things differently i guess. i tend to view things from both points of view, myself as a guy, as well as from a girl's point of view. yeah and this sort of shaped my character to be more sensititve to things said and done, and also the feelings of others and myself.
i chose to say sorry for things that went wrong, if i had some responsibility for it happening rather than denying it. meaning, big or small issues i would tend to be very apologetic about it. this translates into many sorrys being uttered from my mouth. as i said earlier, there are people who commented that it sounds superficial after saying it so many times. but i just want to tell them, whenever i say sorry, i really mean it.
in my opinion, sorry is definitely not the hardest word. at least not to me. it applies to those who still want to hold on to whatever pride they have. to me, pride does not have as much a place in my priorities compared to friendship, love, and values which cannot be replaced by anything else. i feel that it is important to just cast aside pride and take on humility as a long term friend. doing so has helped me avoided many unnecessary conflicts and keep everything i hold dear (although there are times when i just lose it and argue back).
was quite down yesterday and abit of today because i cant seem to get into my head what i've been studying (damn you MOE and Cambridge). doing the tys and not getting the correct answers sucks. haha, but well, was surfing the net and i came across this paragraph which i'd like to share. =)
"There is really no substitute for a healthy self image. Believing in yourself and in your abilities is crucial if you’re going to bring out your very best. You have got to believe, I mean really believe, you can do it if you ever wish to reach your full potential in life." - Greg Hickman
had gp lessons today as usual and my gp tutor was digressing with us instead of doing the module, of course which is good since that is so boring and i usually fall asleep within minutes. =X. like every other gp lessons we had, we were discussing how people, not only singaporeans are made to undergo "programming". sounds as though we were some kind of appliance? yeah quite true. as i sat there hearing her talk on, i thought further about this concept of programming people. it seems that this is global phenomenon that has occured in today's world, developing or developed, First, Second or Third World countries irregardless.
kind of sad i think, since it has made the majority of the people conformists. the minority that manages to identify this rebel and usually end up in some pathetic situation. (although there are notable exceptions). it is indeed a sad reality of today's world since programming us conforms and cramps our individual styles. terms such as "i", "me" have been aggressively replaced with "we", "they", a general collection. this has resulted in much loss of individual identity, and which in turn has revealed itself physically.take for example the singapore society. aren't there many news reports of teenagers lamenting about not knowing themselves, not knowing why they are here or what they want to do?, leading to social problems of troubled kids who attempt sucide or suicide (a difference of failing to and successfully able to), juvenile delinquents, gangsterism and what-have-yous.
following this loss of identity through the generalisation of the public under the term "we", "we" are also swept away in this chase for the almighty piece of paper (certs, degress, diplomas etc.) that is (due to many years of successful propaganda) said to be the path of ensured success, wealth and a good life. of course, i dun deny this; after all how many can become the next sim wong hoo? without the existence of conformity, we'll all be living in an anarchy state, living our own rules, our own way of living. this will surely lead to chaos, instability etc.
just contemplating about this topic earlier today...and wondering how we can live our lives, expressing as much of our individual styles as much as possible in our conformed lives...
i believed i was being polite when i just simply asked you a simple and honest qsn and i had to get an unwarranted rude reply back. gee thx alot. for whatever was left of school day, you just had to spoil it. i dun think such a qsn as to " hey,where is X?' would be deemed as uncourteous/rude/whatsoever shit as to get a reply "obviously he is not here." damn you man, of course i know he is not here, if not would you think i would still ask you that qsn? im believe my patience is wearing thin (im not a very patient person) but i think i've gotten enough "great, you make me feel good" replies from you. so does that qsn sound dumb to you? for all your superiority, if you believe im inferior to you, then i shall not utter a single bloody word to you even if it kills me.
fine that you think im inferior to you..for whatever superiority you think you have over me, replying to my simple qsn as though it is sth dumb. for your goddamn eccentricity and stupid weird ass looks and character, im not surprised the girl you like refuse to even look at you (probably let alone breathe the same air as you). im tired of being treated this way cuz i believe i have nv treated you like this before, nv answer you as though you're an idiot asking me a stupid qsn. thx for spoiling my day. i think this is the last straw. the nx time if sth happens (i must be super unlucky if i let it happen again), i'll really kick you ass. have a good day sucker.
haha, first and foremost, i finally got a blog of my own! wahaha, but as you can see im still a noob, everything on the blog comes from the default template, but well, i'll learn along the way and make tweaks here and there as i go along. kind of surprised i would make a blog for myself, since i've been quite against it quite sometime ago (used to think its sort of a way to publicise your stupid daily life and bore everyone one to death). seriously i decided to do up a blog cuz i felt that it was a good way to expression my feelings [in words] as well as record lessons learnt from eventful situations that'll happen along this path called life. so its worth making a blog to record such stuff, and one day when im feel nostalgic, just sit down with a cup of tea ( i dun drink coffee btw =P) and look through the stuff that gets post up here. guess i haven really said this but i really enjoyed the june holidays (now's august, abit long ago, but still yeah wanna talk about it), especially that bbq sat =). thanks everyone for a wonderful memory. bestest frede, weijian, sarah, simyee, yi xian, the other guys and girls who turned up that day. class 4/1 2003 rawks!. thx for the early birthday celebration and frede and weijian, lovely cake, love it =). anyways, this is august, exactly 29 days 3 hours and 13 minutes to prelims and further on, 'A's come on people lets do it! wish you all the best, work hard and excel. cheers. =)
