crap.

chinese new year sucks. waste a whole load of my time.

heartfelt words

to pei wen (my sweetheart),

i know there are times we disagree and have conflicts. i don't deny that i am (in my opinion) unreasonable at times. i just want to say it goes to show how much i care. i must admit that these days i felt that we've become a little distant and plainer than what we had last time. at times i also admit i do feel like getting/going back to the times before, but i know it is not possible and i don't force it as well. all i can do and will do now is cherish the moments that we have now, that we can have in the future. time is something that we both don't really have, but what i want you to know that i enjoy and cherish each and every second that i spent with you, how little they may be.

many things i think i have already told you before, not once but on numerous occasions. i still find it unbelieveable that i met you. its really a one in a million chance that one can find another individual that shares so many common grounds with oneself. it was by a stroke of luck that i happen to see your profile on friendster and added you. and things, beautiful things happened from then on, and here we are now. i wonder if we haven't met, would i still be the me now or would i be wandering around aimlessly, without a sense of direction whatsoever? you made me change, for the better and you made me realise that i'm actually not an uncaring or unfeeling person that everyone, most people, and even me think. i have the capacity to feel. and i feel a lot for you, apparently.

you, for being who and what you are, is just so damn special to me. i can't claim so for many people, but you are one of those. we are only together for 2 months and 10 days, yet it seems a lifetime has passed and we've known each other for a lifetime. don't you feel so too? yet that is not to say that i've gotten bored of you or feel less for you. if any, i believe i feel more now, more than last time at least. and that is also not to say i know everything about you. i still continue to discover you in new ways each and everyday.

i feel lost without you.this post is specially dedicated to you. these words are just the tip of the iceberg for the true words are those in the heart that i cannot find the words or actions to express. yes, i love you so damn much.

yours truly,
gene

Immature love says "I love you because I need you." Mature love says "I need you because I love you." - Erich Fromm

i'm not ready for chinese new year.

chinese new year is coming and i don't feel any mood or in the mood for it. strangely it seemed just yesterday when i was only a kid and whenever chinese new year comes, i'll get excited about it because of the new clothes i would get, the tons of chinese new year goodies available for my gorging pleasure and not forgetting the number of red packets i would get.

now, i can't be bothered with it anymore, no longer the innocent me (like i ever was hehehehehe). i kind of dislike visiting because its a hassle and i only go out of courtesy and even so, i don't stay at my relative's place the whole day as per tradition. even mum knows it and usually would hold me back until at least after lunch, after which i'm free to go out on my own, with my friends, go home or do whatever i want.

chinese new year goodies? sort of staying away from it since the un-innocent me knows that its damn unhealthy to eat so much oily, barbequed, sweet, salted food. as the body gets older, it gets more sensitive to such food as well. ah well, guess it's probably me who lost the interest in such food already.

red packets? i couldn't care less as to much i would get. the bigger the amount, of course, it would benefit me more since i will end up spending it all on some "useless and redundant stuff" which has "no practical use". i don't care if it is less or not, since money is not really an issue for me. not that i'm filthy rich but yes, i get by just like this.

the current kind of chinese new year does not appeal to the me now. to me, it has lost the warmness and family together-ness that is associated with it. not that i blame anyone for it. things happen, they change and i guess we have to move on, whether we like it or not. also, chinese new year, being such a major festival, not only to the chinese, but also the other races in singapore has become such a commercialized commodity it's sickening. businessmen and businesses have taken much steps to ensure as much profit is generated as possible. i mean look, they seem so desperate that even age-old commercials of Bee Chee Hiang (Mei Zhen Xiang) which i seen on television when i was like ten years old are still re-used even now. ah well, this helps to drive the economy on and what do we do if there is no money...

i'm still alive

after staving off blogging for like 4 days, i thought i should try to update abit. just to make sure you guys know that i'm still alive. i wasn't blogging because i was too freaking bored, i did not have anything nice to blog about (not that i have anything nice to blog about now either).

anyway, i'll just blog what comes to my mind now.

Bus Hikes (old shit)
first off, i really want to save a big "Thank You Very Fucking Much" to our beloved public transport, the SBS and TransIsland buses for providing suched lousy and fucked up bus service to the whole of the Singaporean population. Monopolisation of the public transport is like this; they get to raise the stupid fares by 10 cents or 5 cents or how many cents whenever they want and whenever they feel like it. yeah i'm bitching about this little insignificant 10 cents or 5 cents. to an individual it is insignificant, but to the bus monopoly such as SBS/TransIsland, it means even more money made. 10 cents earned from one million passengers means an earning of one hundred thousand dollars. now that's not a small sum. and for the record, the bus service provided is still so lousy before and after all these fare hikes. the only thing i saw improving was the buses themselves, with now almost all buses air conditioned, and more running on natural (read: expensive) gas. the service is still fucked up, i must emphasize this. it is not fun when you see four bus 98s pass by one single bus stop that you had not reach and and wait for the next half to one hour for a bus 98 and not a single goddamn one comes by. so fuck you SBS.

Singapore Idol
i must say that Singaporeans really suck at creating original things. look at the title! Singapore Idol. wow, it was so original i thought Americans copied us because they has American Idol. come on, think of your own name. people can tell that it was copied from the American Idol by our local media so as to get those suckers glued to their televisions to watch it and generate more profit for our friendly local television station. and unfortunately, we have people who are suckers for such shit. too many suckers in fact, so much so that each television channel just had to come up with their own singing competition. Suria with some malay singing stuff. Channel 8 with their Jue Dui Superstar (too lazy to type in chinese). the Vasantham Central doesn't need any singing competition since they're always singing and dancing in their lame shows anyway. be more fucking original can?

Wei Lian (winner of the first Superstar)
which brings me to my next point. i think Wei Lian sucks. in fact i hate him. why? because he is blind and i am just that prejudiced. if you're blind, just stay blind and stay out of the fucking limelight. i must say that most Singaporeans have poor standards when they judge a person whether he or she is to be a superstar. i mean, look, being a superstar means that you not only have to be talented at singing and dancing and doing all the typical superstar shit, but it also means you got to have the looks! not looking like you're zoning out when you sing, staring off into space as though you're imagining some romantic scene and being a dopey shithead. looks is a major criteria for being a superstar. so what you have the most badass voice for singing. your stupid dopey zoned out look is a sure mood-killer. so screw you wei lian.

thats it for now, can't think of anything except such stuff. til then.

lucky? i guess so

i was sitting on my usual sit on the bus 79 on my way home, looking out of the window (zoning out) and listening to Darren Hayes' "So Beautiful" on my ipod mini. and i just started to think about things all of a sudden as i always do whenever i'm alone.

i guess i'm a lucky dude. seriously. i have a family, a girlfriend who loves me (as i do her). i have shelter from the rain, food to eat, an education for a better life and some money to spend. sure, i may not be well off but hey, i'm not complaining. i belong to what you call the average household. but there are much more people in Singapore who are worse off than me. and we're not even talking about African countries/states here. In Ethopia, which is a grossly overpopulated and under developed area, how many people die from starvation, die from lack of shelter from natural disasters? we're not talking about hundreds of people nor are we talking about thousands of people. we're talking about tens and hundreds of thousands of people suffering over there. so who's getting it bad?

though being a pure Singaporean, i myself do not really like it here in Singapore. but i must admit there are things in which the government has done well in the past and has continued to do well now. credit must be given here. in the past if i were given a chance to migrate to another country or study overseas, with all expenses paid and nothing for me to worry, i'll say yes immediately without hesitation. but right now, if i were to be presented with the same situation, i'll answer with a no instead. no hesitations. no need for thoughts.

i just thought that there are too many beautiful things, beautiful people here that i've encountered at different parts of my life that i just can't let go off everything like this and head off for another country. and to give up dream for these people, is a piece of cake for me. sounds silly? think about it carefully and see how many people can do it. man is a creature who takes things for granted and i, being a human as well, am not spared from this. i definitely cannot avoid taking things for granted but i try my best to prevent myself from doing so.

and to protect all things i deem beautiful in this otherwise ugly country, i do not mind becoming the devil. there's no use being a saint. the devil is much better and much more effective at getting things done. is this fate or destiny? i'm not sure. i do not believe in that bullshit. our own fates lies in our own hands. we carve our own destiny by ourselves, with whatever abilities we possess or gain. probably this path has been determined by myself sub-consciously from the start. and i do not regret it at all. never ever.


Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own mind. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart. - Helen Keller

hehe, xiaxue

wooot i saw xiaxue a.k.a wendy cheng just now! and we both happen to take the same bus. now, she stays near teban gardens..surprise surprise. anyway she is damn petite (small size: xxxxxs). even with her heels, i was about a head taller than her, although i was nowhere tall. i estimate her to be at 1.5 or maybe less. hahahahahahahahaha!!! ah well..can't blame her for that...

i am right!

i was right when i told myself either that i change my working style or change my current job. i'm not ashamed to say that my manager asked me to resign. ah well, since i'm not cut out for the job, why not? its sooner or later that i would quit this job.

well, on to find other jobs now. plus with more experience, i can find better jobs elsewhere hehe.

bought a pair of guess watch with pei wen today. hehe the couple kind lah. for a brand like guess, it wasn't very expensive and its very asthetically appealing to the eyes. to my eyes at least.

more free time now. shall start job hunt tomorrow. woohoo!

=D

i love pei wen =D

wimpy sales promoter

the weather's cooling down but the heat's getting up on me. literally. sitting here, my body temperature's spiraling upwards and out of hand. i guess it'll be soon before i lose my ability to think and respond. in other words, if you do not know what i mean, i'm getting a fever soon. ah well, there're many things not within my control..so there..

the heat's getting on to me to perform on my job as well. being a sales promoter isn't easy. right from the start, mum said so and i was doubtful about it. but here i am, the seventh day of work and i realise several things:

1) i am not cut out for such sales jobs. maybe a sales assistant, but not a sales promoter.

2) i am such a wimp. i do not really dare to approach people to promote my product as per say my job. i wait for them to have some interest in my product before approaching them.

3) my detest for the typical Singaporean has increased several fold over the course of this seven work days because there are just some fuckers who are there to give you hell on an otherwise pleasant day

ah well..these are within my control. guess i'll have to change it or change job. lol

join my manager become tang lang quan (praying mantis fist) master. hahahahahahahahaha!! can hold lessons at the nearby community centre for the old folks.

yeah right

they say...

silence is gold.

ignorance is bliss

tolerance and patience are virtues.

yeah right. fuck them.

super duper overdue

the super duper overdue post that i wanted to do since LAST MONTH. ah well, better late than never as they (i might wonder who are the 'they') always say.

i wanted to do this post as part of the leena's dedicated birthday post (which was more than a month ago) but i could only do so since i just got this from frede bro. its ok frede, we're busy i understand. busy playing hahahahahahahaha!!

so here's the rest of the photos that we took on leena' birthday at sentosa!! the words on the floor are thought up and done by frede. i only helped in a minor way.

my boring life (again)

it has been a rather uneventful past two days. surprisingly i made my first sale yesterday to the same guy who came and asked me tons of stupid questions (mr. dsf, from the previous post). no sales today, but well, we'll see how it goes. i'm kind of getting sick of sales so anyone has any jobs available mind tell me about it? thanks ;)

met pei wen in town yesterday to go for supper yesterday. she finished work at 2 a.m. since she had to do stock replenishing and inventory check (if i'm not wrong). poor girl, it made her so tired..heart pain for her. in the end we didn't go for supper because too much waiting made the appetite go away. took a cab back and slept the moment i reached home. of course after i've checked my mails and stuff.

expectedly i was tired during work today. kept nodding off around 6p.m. but managed to overcome the sleepy bug to continue working. actually its more of slacking since there aren't much customers around. just talked with my colleague and the other ladies over at guardian.

that's all for now. feeling rather drained and weird.

something's wrong with me. i can't exactly quite catch it.

what a day what a day.

i realised i've been too polite when i'm posting on my blog and seriously sometimes the things that come to my mind are cleaned up and processed before they are uttered by my mouth. for example, what the fuck? becomes what the hell/freak? so, for now, i'm gonna heck care it and just say what i really think. about today of course.

yes, today was a fucked up day. first my job was fucking boring since there were so sales and i met quite a few fucked up customers. real fucked up. but before that, my manager came and find me today and even bought me a drink. of course my "omigawd i fucked up detector" went off like crazy. true enough, he asked me if i had any problems working and of course i said no. really, i didn't have a problem working. maybe the customers at jurong point are such fucktards and so bloody dumb and ignorant they don't know about what i'm selling.

anyway my manager told me that the big boss over at the office was asking how come i did not make any sales yet. yes, people who started the same time on this as me have already made a few sales, but hello? what the fuck? today is only the second day i started work and what kind of fucking sales do you want? ten products sold in a day? i say fuck you! but of course, i did not say it out to my manager lah. although he has really screwed up hands. have you seen before the shaolin kickass praying mantis fist? yeah his hands were locked like that. all the time. maybe he is a master of the praying mantis fist??? haiya! no bully me, if not i kick your jackass! hahahahahahahaha. ok enough laughing at his deformed hands.

so that's one thing. there's two more things that kind of pissed me off today. yeah well i work at guardian, down at that dank, stupid shitty basement in some you-know-where shopping mall. and over at guardian, i have this booth for myself. to sell my product. and it has this annoying advertisement that i can almost memorise after listening to it looped over and over and over....

two indian guys approached me, and talked to me in their fucking thick indian accent. like the fuck i can understand what they're talking about. but being so fucking brilliant, i could make out what they wanted from me, by reading their lips. i'm smart yeah? so don't ask how come i can read lips. yeah and they both (on separate occasions) asked me how to get to the post office. it sounded to me like push offpik. i even remembered a chinese guy asking me this same thing. i was quite pissed off by this and i just pointed them the direction. seriously they're really some fuckheads. the BIG sign with the words POST OFFICE (with an arrow up ahead) was just behind them and they still ask me where is the goddamn post office. from this i can conclude two things. one being, their eyes grow on their assholes and hence they can't fucking see the big sign. and two, they are shortfucks who can't see anything above their head, for fuck's sake. bloody shortfucks, next time lift up your fucking head and look carefully before asking. do i look like the fucking directory to you? is the word "DIRECTORY" embosses/carved/printed on my forehead? fuck you understand?

and the third thing that pissed me off was another shortfuck, who might have been a potential customer but sadly i was mistaken. since i do not know his name (nor do i wish to) let's just call him mr. short dumbfuck/dumb shortfuck, mr. sdf/dsf. so mr. dsf came over and asked me what this product was. like every other fucking imbecile that came before him. as my job yeah, i answered all this queries and stuff, thinking he was a potential customer. boy, was i fucking wrong to the core. at first he asked those normal questions like any other imbeciles would ask. then as he was trying out the product, this was what happened

mr. dsf: so does this work during a power surge?
me: ...
me: uh, i'm not sure about that.
me: *thinks* why the fuck do you want it to work during a power surge? are you fucking dumb?
mr. dsf: oh i see...
me: well, would you like to get a set sir?
mr. dsf: let me consider..i saw this on the internet, but i forgot whether its this or not..it's something similar..*walks off*
me: *mumbles* what the fuck, don't act like you're considering when you actually can't afford you dumbfuck. do i look like the bloody techinician to you? nbcb.

the moment he asked me that power surge shit, my heart sank. deep inside me, i was thinking "what the fuck...you just had to spoil my hope" seriously, this may sound biased, but hey, i don't really give a fucking damn! most jurong point shoppers (in case you don't know where i work) especially the adults, are such shitass, ignorant dumbfucks. who can't lift their heads to read signs and don't know what in the bloody hell are they asking a salesman.

bunch of imbeciles. fuck you understand?

fucking off.

p.s. this blog is so cool! exactly like what i was talking about flower languages. only that this guy is more cool, has better sarcasm and wit and of course language than me. read on! http://www.museum-of-twits.blogspot.com/

prom night 2005

prom night 2005 truly marked the end of my, and many others', junior college life. that is, if i don't get retained lah. it was definitely a great night held at the suntec ballroom. who says you need to hold prom at a hotel in order for it to be fun? well definitely, i thoroughly enjoyed myself that night and i think its the mood and atmosphere of the people going for prom, that's us, that determines whether it is fun or not. as like with all proms, the host was great, though the games played were lame. being the lazy bugger me, i was stuffing my face at the table. 8 course dinner lehs. the food, of course, rocks my socks. totally. there was plenty of food around, few were eating and most were standing around, totting in their stilettos or striding around taking photos. tons and tons of photos were taken that night. everyone looked pretty or handsome or wrong in their suits, dresses, gowns and make up...blah blah blah.

prom king was yihao (quite expected) and prom queen? valerie. now that's quite unexpected but anyways congrats to both for winning the respective titles. these are photos that i took from prom. not very nice i guess. my face ma, where got nice photo??? more prom photos will be uploaded as i get more.

also there are some other photos of me with my new spectacles courtesy of mum. she made the same pair but of different colour. you may realise i took these shots in the toilet. hey it was at night and its the only most well lit place at home.

and a merry new year...

woot, its officially 2006, the new year that we've all been waiting for. first of all, a merry new year to one and all. may all your wishes/dreams/hopes come true. good luck to those entering ns/those going back to school to study (poor suckers) and everybody else who is doing one thing or another.

2005 ended off in a great way, and the ushering of 2006 is definitely not one to be criticised as well. many new and exciting things lie await for all of us. for me, it would be entering national service. other exciting things (according to my definition of exciting) would be the release of the playstation 3 and nintendo revolution. a whole new war is coming. woohoo! console war here we come! next up would be the world cup 2006! it is nevertheless one of the most exciting and happening events around. of course it would be, with all the bettings, winnings and losings, who wouldn't be excited? all people alike, whether soccer fanatics or not will be caught up in this soccer fever one way or another.

as of now, there are many thoughts running through my head. i'll only speak of a few here. one thing is, i'm officially off from junior college life (unless my results suck ass and i have to retain). the prom that was held on the 30th of december at suntec ballroom truly marked the end of my life in junior college. wonderful and hated memories alike i shall bring with me, for better or for worse (probably the latter). more about the prom later as i have yet to receive photos from friends and these photos will subsequently be posted up, so await for more updates.

to all my friends, especially those closer and dearer to my heart (you know who you are, there's no need to name names), i wish you all the best to your health, your pockets, and your mind. study hard for those still stuck in school and do well. train hard for those entering national service with me. most importantly stay happy always. i'll not forget anyone of you and i hope the same goes for you to me (i hope la).

once again, merry new year. i'll sign off here and post more stuff in the next update. =)

cheerios!